Sweet Sixteens
by Annie loves it
Summary: Complete.16 romance oneshot stories for TatsuhaxSuguru. Last addition: Have yourself a merry little Christmas.
1. Good night little star

Title: Good night little star  
Chapter: 1/16  
Genre: Angst/tragedy  
Characters: Tatsuha and Suguru  
Rating: 13+ I guess…  
Summery: don't know what you got till it's gone…  
Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation, it belongs to Maki Murakami. BUT I DO own the poem "Good night star". TAKE it, I will hunt you down and bite you! Honor it, I'll give you cookies.  
Warnings: character death.

Good night little star

Good night little star,

Sleep, it won't leave a scar,

You were the most beautiful star,

Most beautiful by far.

Tatsuha's POV

How would you feel, knowing you killed someone? That someone being the one you loved more than anything in the world? Of course you won't be able to answer that. You've never done it.

I see his face, everywhere I am. Everywhere I go; his eyes permanently stain my mental image. Every time I lay to sleep, he's all I can see.

Dear little star,

Look how far you have come,

Leaving behind such good things,

But only to some.

He was, truly, a wonderful person, and I destroyed that. Greedily, I took him as my own; I took all of his love, and so foolishly took it for granted. He loved me so, yet I didn't realize it…

Heh, I guess this is a case of "You don't truly know what you have, until you've lost it."

Precious little star,

Look how far we have run,

Running with the moon,

Far from the sun.

I'm so ashamed...I treated him worse then Eiri treats any of his random partners. Only I wasn't hiding anything. I truly thought I didn't love him.

I miss all the simple things he did; I miss the music of the piano filling every room of this apartment. I miss his smile, I miss his love, most of all I miss him.

I wish I could go back, I wish I knew how to treat him better. But that's just me being selfish again. "I" this and"me" that, did I _ever_ stop to think of him?

Maybe there was a time or two when I realized it, but I swiftly brushed it off. I hid from love like the moon hides from the sun. Yet I did it without knowing.

Darling little star,

You shined brighter then gold,

You were so talented and bold

And even so your heart I sold.

He was such an amazing person, and only is it now, when it's too late, that I notice this.

I had him; he was mine. He stayed with me, even when I cheated him, lied to him, hurt him mentally. He was so good to me; he loved me so much, and yet I broke him piece-by-piece, hell I even _killed_ him.

Shining little star,

Your light was so bright,

But like every star,

You lose your might,

Your will to fight,

In time, every star loses their light.

That night at the hospital, the last night I saw him; he looked at me with such hurt, such pain, and such despair in his eyes. I held his hand tightly in mine

"_Tatsuha…I love you, so much. I really hope that you loved me too, because I tried my hardest for you to love me."_

How come I didn't say it? How come I didn't just say those words that would at least let him die happily? Even if I didn't believe it myself at the time? I was to damn stubborn is why.

He closed his eyes right after that, never to open them again.

Good night little star,

Good night forever more,

Good night little star,

When you close your eyes you leave my heart sore.

The second his heart stopped beating, so did mine. The second all of his doors closed so did mine. The sunlight stopped shining for me, and no matter how bad things get, they always get worse. It is only now, that I know, that Suguru was hope. Now I know, that after the second I met him, my world revolved on his love.

Why? Damn it, why can't I just at least get the chance to tell him I love him? Why can't I at least say good bye to him, instead of just sitting there, watching him slip away from the world? He died without even knowing how wonderful he was to me. He died without knowing the greatness of his values, and it's all because of my stupid ignorance.

Good night little star,

You will feel no pain,

For I'm the one to blame,

And that's driving me insane.

My alarm clock says its time to get up. Time to start the day. But I can't, I can't move at all. He's not here to pull me up.

Slowly I'm losing my mind, every bit of sanity I thought I had is slowly drifting away. If only I could drift with it.

Sleep well little star,

Fly off to the distant clouds,

Moving with the sounds,

Moving with the winds,

Living behind the gates of heaven,

Even though we have sinned.

For so long, I knew he was insecure. For so long, I knew he wondered if us being in love was okay. But I never comforted him; I let him go on wondering. I was the worse thing that ever happened to him. He was such a shining star, yet I dimmed his light. It's my entire fault, every bit of it.

Good night little star,

Sleep, it won't leave a scar.

You were most beautiful,

Most beautiful by far.

I look at the small picture of him, so small it fits in my palm. Ever since he died, I keep it by my side, everywhere I go, even though his image is imprinted in my mind. No matter how much it hurts to think of him, I can't get enough of the glow he always seemed to have, even though I did everything in my power to make that glow, disappear.

He had such strong goals. He had his whole life set out for him, he wasn't even at the height of his fame and still he fell over the edge when I pushed. He died so young…it's all because I was so stupid.

_Tatsuha picked up his ringing phone off the receiver. He was just about to finally fall asleep in the loud, crashing noise of the thunderstorm, when someone calling so rudely interrupted him._

"_What?" he spat out into the phone, knowing exactly who it was._

"_Tatsuha? I'm so sorry for calling you this late, I know you were asleep in all…but could you please, please come pick me up from work?" Suguru's voice asked sadly._

_Tatsuha snorted on the other line, why should he, Tatsuha Uesugi, have to get out of his nice warm bed, to go pick up his "lover" in the stormy, rainy night?_

"_Why should I?" Tatsuha replied._

"_Tatsuha please, it's raining outside, and it's dark." Suguru cried from the other line._

_Sighing, Tatsuha sat up from the bed._

"_Fine, whatever." With that, he slammed the phone back on the receiver next to the bed._

And who am I, to have killed such an angel,

It leaves my heart with a tangle.

Why? Why was I so stupid? I killed him! Its every bit my fault! This is my punishment I know, for not treating him so kindly, for not loving him like he deserved. The gods took away my gift from the heavens, because I could not treat it with respect. I couldn't love him and value him.

So I had to pay the ultimate price, in order to make me suffer, fate so cruelly had me kill him. It's a sick and twisted way to set revenge on someone who abused such an angel.

_Suguru laid his head on Tatsuha's back, as they drove through the rain on Tatsuha's motorcycle. _

_The rain made pitter-patter noises as the drops splashed on them._

"_Thank you Tatsuha." Suguru whispered just loud enough, so Tatsuha could hear over the thunder._

"_Hmph…don't get use to it."_

Good night little star,

You won't be the one with the scar,

It hurts so much. I remember the rain splattering down from the sky. It made the road, so slippery. Yet I didn't care, I drove like a maniac through the night. My speed exceeded the legal speed limit greatly. Did I care for the wellbeing of the boy behind me? No.

In the flash of a second, lighting and thunder was so loud, so bright, it scared me. I tried to come to a stop, but at my speeds the bike just lost more control. And if I thought things couldn't get worse, I was sadly mistaken. A car going about as fast as me, forgot to look both ways before zooming past the stop sign. As I tried to stop, the motorcycle did a 180-degree turn, sliding in the rain and iced pavement. Suguru made first contact with the car.

Suguru died that night. I held his limp body in the rain, blood slowly dripping and forming a pool, I held him close as I called for help.

Because I was the one,

And help came, but not soon enough. Suguru spent the last few hours of his life, in the hospital, feeling insecure, unloved, and useless. His light wore dim, like that of a fading star…

I killed my angel, my love, my heart, my star…because I was the one…

Driving the car.

End Chapter

Review…no matter how much it sucked…


	2. Swallow a camel, but choke on a gnat

Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation.  
Chapter title: Can swallow a camel, but chokes on a gnat.  
Genre: Romance, humor, fluff  
Rating: PG-16ish  
Chapter: 2/16  
Characters: Tatsuha and Suguru xD  
Summery: "No test, no sex", the exact words of Suguru. Poor Tatsuha, what will he do?

A/N: XD I got this idea after watching an HIV commercial. Damn, how weird AM I? I find inspiration in the oddest of things…

Tatsuha smirked to himself, just _knowing _his ingenious plan would work. Of course it wasn't exactly his idea or own thoughts that created it. Many men and teens have used it to get laid, and the last time Tatsuha checked, it worked perfectly.

The tall teen whistled as he walked along the sidewalk to Suguru's house; chocolate box shaped like a heart, and a bouquet of a dozen red roses in hand. He'd been dating the keyboardist for about seven months now and had yet to go any farther then kissing, and today Tatsuha planned to make the big step. If this were a normal relationship for Tatsuha specifically, he would have taken his other to bed long ago, around the first or second date. But this "relationship" was a little different then others; sure Tatsuha had gone into it planning for a couple of good nights, but now his decisions and opinions were changing.

Even so, the sex-crazed monk was deprived, even a _normal_ person surely wouldn't go that long, were Tatsuha thoughts. So deciding on using a few old romantic tricks, Tatsuha planned to have that musical talent under sheets in a nights work.

Of course, this proved to be a hard task, considering Suguru and Tatsuha both lived in their own parent's household. But once again, Tatsuha found a loophole, like he always did. He simply checked out a hotel room, not exactly the nicest room but still very neat and "romantic" in Tatsuha's opinion. Before he had left the hotel after checking in he had been sure to make a few adjustments, such as candles, wine (something he had easily stolen from his brother, by the way.) and even more roses.

And Tatsuha would be lying if he said he didn't empty his wallet for this one; he had never spent so much money in his short-lived life for something other then his undying obsession for Nittle Grasper and Ryuichi Sakuma.

At last Tatsuha arrived at the Fujisaki home. Checking his watch to see it read 8:30pm, he was relieved to be on time. Straightening out his clothing, which was the nicest in his closet, he knocked on the door.

To his luck, Suguru's mother had answered instead of his father. For the elder Fujisaki didn't have much of a fancy in Tatsuha, and if it weren't for the fact Tatsuha was the son of a monk he would forbid Suguru to even speak to Tatsuha.

"Oh hello Tatsuha! So nice to see you this evening! I'll go get Suguru for you. In the meantime come in!" squealed Suguru's mother. She was indeed a very nice lady; when she heard of the relationship between her son and Tatsuha she was okay with it, but when the fact that Tatsuha was a brother of Mrs. Fujisaki's favorite author, the "okay" had automatically went up to a "how wonderful!" of course she wasn't taking this opportunity to receive autographs or anything, yet.

Tatsuha gave a small bow and smile, and walked into the house, closing the door behind him. He watched in amusement as Suguru's mother quickly hurried up the stairs to fetch her son.

After waiting for a good ten minutes, Suguru finally came into view at the top of the stairs.

'_Just like a woman._' Tatsuha thought to himself as he flashed a large smile to his date, and held out the gifts he had gotten.

Suguru blushed as he accepted the gifts, setting them down on the decorative table by the door to be enjoyed later.

"Thank you." Suguru said in slight embarrassment, as he knew his mother was watching from the top of the stairs. Tatsuha took Suguru's hands in his own as he placed a light kiss on his cheek. The two turned towards the stairs where Suguru's mom stood with a camera and evil grin on her face.

"Now can you just give him a kiss on the lips? Oh and-"

"Mom!" Suguru snapped, clearly embarrassed. Tatsuha chuckled as he pulled Suguru towards the door.

"Let's go Suguru." Tatsuha said as he opened the door. The two walked out, still hand in hand. Suguru looked amazing in Tatsuha opinion, always did. Tatsuha had been specific about wearing something nice, but had been sure not to tell Suguru where they were going. And of course, Suguru had listened, wearing a white turtleneck; the white-gold necklace Tatsuha had given him for his birthday, black coat and pants. Simple, but still very nice.

"Where's your motorbike Tatsuha?" asked Suguru as they walked along the sidewalk, instead of riding the mechanical coffin-on-wheels, or as Suguru's father comments it as.

"I'd thought we'd walk through park, the place isn't that far from here anyways." Tatsuha smirked in his mind as he saw Suguru's eyes light up in the dark. Of course Suguru had mentioned many times how he rather walk then ride the motorcycle, especially on "beautiful nights such as these, its nicer to enjoy it longer with your lover then to have to ride straight by it." Were the words of Suguru.

And so Tatsuha was sure to remember to walk that night, and reserve a seat in the finest restaurant close to the park.

Tatsuha slipped his arm around Suguru's waist to pull him closer as they started on the park pathway. The chilly air only excited him more as he knew the night would be the best of his life, and hopefully Suguru's too.

"So, I didn't see the devil there, is back to running hell?" Tatsuha asked teasingly, referring to Suguru's father. Suguru chuckled lightly as he playfully slapped Tatsuha's arm.

"No, no, my father is out on another business trip, won't be back for a week. I made sure mom wouldn't tell him about this date, he would have had your head if he knew you asked my mom to take me out for such a long time. You got lucky this time Tatsuha." Suguru laughed as he rested his head on Tatsuha's shoulder.

Oh yes, Tatsuha had requested ever so politely, and sort of, bribed Suguru's mother into letting him have Suguru for the night. She was about to ask questions after agreeing, but strands of Yuki's hair and an autograph shut her right up.

The air became increasingly chilly as silence grew over the two. Tatsuha felt Suguru shiver slightly.

'_Perfect.'_ Thought Tatsuha with another smirk. He stilled their walking as he pulled off his suit jacket, placing it over Suguru's shoulders. Suguru blushed as Tatsuha's arm once more, wrapped around his waist, and they started to walk again.

"Thank you Tatsuha…" Suguru said as he fidgeted with the bottom buttonhole. Tatsuha kissed Suguru's head as to say "no problem".

After a total of about twenty minutes of walking, Tatsuha and Suguru stepped onto a sidewalk alongside the street. They quickly crossed the busy road to avoid being hit by on-coming traffic. Tatsuha quickly checked his watch again as he pulled Suguru by the hand into a seemingly full restaurant, making sure they were on time for the reservation.

Suguru looked around in awe at the building, it was packed with people in fancy dresses and suits, and the place itself seemed fancy and gorgeous. He instantly had a feeling they were probably going to be waiting a while.

But instead of standing and waiting in the long line of people waiting to be given seats, Tatsuha pulled him past the long, never ending line.

The hostess smiled brightly at the two of them as Tatsuha and Suguru came up to the counter.

"Reservation for Tatsuha Uesugi." Said Tatsuha before the hostess could ask. She looked down at the book with names and reservation times, and then grabbed two menus.

"Aw, reservation for two, for the best seats here, follow me please." The hostess said continuing to smile brightly.

She lead the two away from the entrance full or people, and past the many people already seated, all the way to the back of the restaurant, were she pushed open two glass doors, covered by red curtains. Suguru entered the room, and gasped immediately. The place was, quiet, and empty, unlike the rest of the restaurant. It was a small room, with a small round table in the middle for two. The plates and forks were neatly laid out, and a small vase of roses in the middle.

"Enjoy your dinner; the waiter will be with you shortly." Said the hostess, before she turned and left.

Tatsuha pulled out a chair motioning for Suguru to sit. As Suguru took his seat, Tatsuha pulled off his jacket from Suguru's shoulders and rested it on the back of the chair.

Suguru almost jumped for joy as he read the menu; it was Italian food, something he had been having a craving for.(1)

He just couldn't believe this; Tatsuha was being so…romantic tonight! The walk through the park, the jacket, and the Italian food restaurant, not to mention the best table in the entire place- '_Ooooh!' _thought Suguru suddenly. No duh! Suguru choked from laughter as he swallowed his drink. Now he understood what was going on.

Tatsuha looked quizzically at his lover as Suguru smirked.

"You okay Suguru?" Tatsuha asked while setting his menu down. Suguru set his menu down on top of Tatsuha's as he continued to smile with a hint of mischief.

"Nothing. But I was wondering…how did you find such a nice place, let alone get this kind of table?" Suguru asked. It was indeed a question on his mind.

"Help from a friend." Tatsuha said as he grabbed his water glass for a drink.

Tatsuha not to long ago, had gone to NG during lunch break to visit Suguru. While there he pulled non-other then Hiroshi Nakano aside, and asked for some assistants. He had asked for him to help get a good table at a nice restaurant, and a hotel room, since there was no way this would have been an easy task for Tatsuha on his own. Tatsuha of course paid Hiro for his help, and promise of secrecy, understanding that Shuichi would ruin the whole thing by telling Suguru.

And that was how Tatsuha had come to acquire a hotel room and a nice reservation.

Soon the waiter arrived to take their orders, and menus. He left as quickly as he had entered, leaving Tatsuha and Suguru to themselves again.

Tatsuha grabbed Suguru's hand from across the table and held it tightly.

"I love you Suguru." Tatsuha said almost dreamily to Suguru. Tatsuha noticed Suguru's eyes light up, and his smile deepen greatly. _'I am soooo gonna get laid tonight.' _Tatsuha thought.

"I love you too Tatsuha."

* * *

Tatsuha walked out of the restaurant hand in hand with Suguru. The raven-haired teen wanted to scream and shout for joy; he was more then going to get _laid_ this night was going to be heaven! Suguru was wrapped around his finger. Tatsuha could die now with the thoughts of the things he could get Suguru to do, or maybe after he has Suguru do those things of course. 

Tatsuha ran his hand over Suguru's back to warm up the shivering teen; even with Tatsuha's coat he was still cold. And of course it was a cold night. They walked down the sidewalk away from the restaurant, towards wherever Tatsuha lead Suguru.

After about ten minutes of continuous shivering from both parties, Tatsuha decided to hail down a taxi. They both quickly huddled into the car, glad for the warmth it provided. Tatsuha gave the driver the name of the place, and then sat back to wrap his arm around Suguru, pulling the smaller teen closer.

By the looks of things, Tatsuha was sure by the time they got to that room he could easily pry Suguru's legs open with out much try. Suguru was smiling his dazzling smile, his eyes shined brighter then gold held up to the sun; Tatsuha almost regretted not doing this sooner! But of course, Tatsuha knew that waiting was most likely best. It took a while to even get Suguru to warm up to him.

After Tatsuha paid the cab driver, the two walked to the room Tatsuha had checked out earlier. He was beyond sure that Suguru knew what he was up to, but the boy had yet to say a word. Pulling the key out of his pocket he turned to Suguru.

"Close your eyes for a second." Tatsuha requested as he slipped the card key into the handle. Suguru obeyed and closed his eyes, waiting for the surprise Tatsuha had for him inside.

Tatsuha turned on the lights and quickly checked to make sure everything was in place. Roses, wine, chocolates, candles; everything was perfect. Tatsuha quickly pulled out his lighter and lit the few candles placed to perfection around the room. After lighting the candles, Tatsuha flicked off the light switch, leaving the room illuminated by candles. Turning back around, Tatsuha walked behind Suguru who still stood in the hallway, and placed his hands low on Suguru's hips. Kissing just below his ear lightly, he whispered,

"You can open your eyes now…" Tatsuha nibbled Suguru's ear, as he pushed the teen gently into the room.

And when Suguru opened his eyes, he felt tears fill them; this was the most romantic, lovely thing anyone had ever done for him! Suguru's hands fell to the ones on his hips, as he pried them from his body, turning to face his boyfriend.

"Tatsuha…this is so…" Suguru couldn't seem to find the words to explain the content he felt. This wasn't some person who wanted a cheap fuck –which was Suguru's thoughts when he first met Tatsuha- this was a romantic loving way to be with someone he loved dearly. Suguru was a little more then at aw with his lover's outgoing attempts to get him in bed.

Tatsuha leaned down and stole a kiss from Suguru. Pulling back, he pushed Suguru towards the bed.

"Thirsty?" were the only words Tatsuha could get out as he quickly made his way over to the table where the bottle and glasses were set out. What was wrong with him? He sounded like some geeky high school virgin!

After filling the glasses half way, Tatsuha walked over to the bed where Suguru sat. Sitting down on the side of the bed next to Suguru, Tatsuha placed his glass of wine on the nightstand, while handing Suguru his.

"Thanks." Suguru said politely as he sipped from the glass. Tatsuha reached his arms around Suguru and grabbed hold of the jacket that lay over his shoulders, slipping it off slowly.

Suguru didn't know what he should feel at this moment; he'd never _done _this kind of thing before. He almost stiffened at the hands as they traveled down his back using the jacket as an excuse. But he relaxed; this was his first time so why not enjoy it?

Tatsuha grabbed the wine glass from Suguru's hands gently and reached over him to set it down next to his forgotten one. Sitting back straight, he slipped his hands under Suguru's shirt, to rest and the top of his pants. Leaning forward he pulled the smaller teen into a deep, long kiss. Tatsuha's excitement turned into impatience as he unwillingly pulled away from those addicting lips to speak to his boyfriend.

"Suguru…may I?" Tatsuha asked with utmost respect. He knew this was Suguru's first time and he laid strict rules for himself; 1, be loving and gentle, 2, ask before doing anything weird, and 3, respect him and his wishes. Normally, Tatsuha wouldn't go this far to have sex, but this time it was different, this time, it was Suguru.

Suguru smiled brightly and kissed Tatsuha softly on the lips, giving him the okay. Tatsuha took up Suguru's offer, and laid Suguru down on the bed, crawling on top of him.

'_First goes the shirt…'_ Tatsuha decided as he removed himself of his shirt, and then Suguru's. Tatsuha trailed loving kisses all the way from Suguru's forehead, to right under his navel.

'_Then go those pesky pants…' _Tatsuha threw off the belt Suguru wore in record time, and slowed his speed down as he began to drag the pants down Suguru's long feminine legs, Tatsuha kissing the skin on each leg as he moved further down. Sitting on his heels at Suguru's feet, Tatsuha pulled the pants completely off and threw them to the floor, his own pants following soon after.

'_Then last but not least…'_ Tatsuha kissed each ankle before looking up to notice the tiny boxers Suguru wore that clung to his skin. Smirking with amusement, Tatsuha crawled back up, and with his teeth took hold of the top of the tight boxers, pulling them down.

Suguru laid back and allowed Tatsuha to bite, touch, feel, rub, lick, squeeze, and kiss every inch of his body, enjoying each new sensation. Tatsuha had succeeded in getting every bit of each other's clothes off, and had succeeded arousing Suguru to heights never known before. The uke bit his lip as he watched Tatsuha grab for the bottle beside the bed. As Tatsuha finally retrieved the bottle and began to lift Suguru's legs over his shoulder, something lured in Suguru's mind. Something that had bothered him for a while. And even as slick long fingers worked their way in Suguru, bringing him unimaginable pleasure it wouldn't go away.

Kissing Suguru one last time, Tatsuha was about to enter Suguru, but then-

"Tatsuha stop!" Suguru cried out loudly, sitting up from his lying position and throwing his arms around Tatsuha.

To say Tatsuha was confused, was the understatement of the century. Here he and Suguru were really getting into it, and he could tell Suguru was enjoying himself, and then all of a sudden Suguru gets cold feet! Impossible!

Tatsuha looked into Suguru's eyes with confusion.

"Tatsuha…do you, um, do you have any, you know, _protection?_" Tatsuha almost laughed but decided against it. _'So that's what this is all about…'_

Tatsuha was about to climb off the bed to grab the needed item for continuing, but much to his horror, he remembered he hadn't any. None at all.

"Well I'm kind of without them at the moment, see because I thought it would be more 'special' for the both of us without out one, ya know?" Tatsuha said as he grabbed both Suguru's hands with his own. _'Oh that was a good one.'_ Tatsuha thought to himself sarcastically.

Suguru frowned and Tatsuha knew he was screwed (or more like, not screwed) unless he could come up with something fast.

"Well, have you at least been _tested_?" Suguru said becoming frustrated by each passing second.

Tatsuha gulped; should he lie? Or tell the truth? Was he actually considering _lying _to Suguru so he could get sex? Sighing, Tatsuha gave in, he was horny as hell, but Suguru was worth more then that.

"No…not yet I haven't but I-"

"Well then, I'm sorry Tatsuha, but I don't want to…go that far if I can't feel safe or sure." Said Suguru with a yawn as he pulled the blankets over his body and snuggled into bed. Tatsuha gaped at Suguru; he really was going to leave him hangin!

"Su-kun I-"

"No test, no sex Tatsuha. You went 7 months with no sex, I'm sure you can go another few days. Call up, make an appointment, and show me the results. Easy as that, ok?" Suguru said as he gave Tatsuha a quick kiss on the nose, and flopped back down into bed.

Tatsuha felt like crap. He had put so much time, and so much money into this, and he comes out with _nothing_! Suguru's still a virgin, and Tatsuha was _sure_ he was "turning blue".

Tatsuha blew the candles out and crawled back into bed, snuggling up to Suguru, contemplating whether to take a cold shower or not.

Suguru smiled and turned in the bed to face Tatsuha. Wrapping his arms around Tatsuha's neck he buried his head under the taller boy's chin.

"Thank you so much for tonight Tatsuha. It was really sweet of you to be so considerate…but trust me, a few old romantic tricks isn't going to get you into my pants without some proof that I won't regret it." Suguru whispered with a chuckle.

Tatsuha rolled his eyes and pulled the smaller of the two closer. How ironic, he thought, he had everything planned out, he had spent every last penny on the entire shiny, romantic, heart-throbbing, love-filled, ordeal! Yet he missed one little tiny step; he forgot the test.

Like they say, "You can swallow a camel, but you'll choke on a gnat."

End Chapter

A/N: I almost felt like this should have been longer, but I didn't have the time, strength, nor energy to do so. XD

(1) lmfao, I was eating micro waved fettuccini dinner while writing this.


	3. Apathy

Title: Apathy  
Chapter: 3/16  
Genre: Angst/ drama  
Characters: Tatsuha and Suguru  
Rating: T  
Warnings: Death, angst, slight OOCness, very unlikely couple.  
Disclaimer: I do not own gravitation. But I do own "Sometimes apathy is good" the poem. Take it I will hunt you down and bite you.  
Summery: chapter one add-on

**Please read**: I felt that chapter one needed…closure. So this is Suguru's POV after his death. This is part two of Good night little star (chapter 1). Apathy

Suguru's POV

The thing I fear most is your apathy  
It brings out the sadder darker side of me

It was…odd at first, learning that I was dead. All normal people fear the subject, and there I was experiencing it. I looked down at myself on the hospital bed, pale as the moon, and what ticked me as odd was that I was not afraid nor surprised, only…slightly sad. But my emotions immediately changed when I looked over to Tatsuha who was holding my hand with his; I felt…anger almost.

He had witnessed my death and shed not one tear? Was I really worth as much as dirt to him?

I watch as his facial color also pales as sees my body go limp, and my eyes close. His face slowly makes a crooked, sad, almost longing smile. He stands and bends over to place one last kiss on my lips. Still holding my dead hand in his he rests his forehead on my own.

"I am so sorry…Su-kun."

So maybe he did have an ounce of love for me, and that's good enough. There was a time…when he was sweat, and loving, and caring, there was a time when he would call me "Su-kun" or "Suggie Bear!" But those days have long since been over.

I wanted to reach out, hug him and hold him, telling him he has no reason to be sorry, but my non-visible self is brushed away as Tatsuha walks past me leaving the hospital room.

But its okay…it will be just like before, when I was invisible.

He cared nothing for me, I know that, and it brought me down so low. Yet I don't care; I love him so much that I would drop as low as hell to scoop up the tiniest scrap of love I could get from him.

Please don't feel mad,  
Please don't feel bad,  
That makes me feel sad.

I wondered our home for months and months after my death; watching as Tatsuha slipped away from the Earth.

The apartment had turned cold and dark, and Tatsuha was a complete mess.

The thing that mystified me the most was Tatsuha's…reaction. I simply thought that if I ever died, Tatsuha would throw out my "junk" (referring to the piano) and be rid of my "trash" (referring to everything else that I own) however, he left everything alone. In fact he has hardly left our room since I died. Only doing so to go to work, pay bills, and steal the occasional sad glance at my piano.

And there…were times, the first few months of loneliness, when he would cry, and wail, to a point of no more breath…I couldn't really understand what he would say, but it's like he would blame himself at times for what happened.

Those were moments when I wanted to hold him the most; those were moments when I wanted nothing more then to be alive.

But soon his tears were gone, as with all other emotions; it was like he had either forgotten them, or simply cried them all out.

People had also stopped coming by; almost everyone had tried to pry Tatsuha out of his bed to show him a world beyond work and sorrow, the world Tatsuha had forgotten. As time moved along and as Tatsuha refused any contact with everyone, they all gave up. And that's what has angered me greatly; Tatsuha didn't deserve this…this was hell.

Every night he holds close to him a picture of me, as though my image would fade before his eyes if he ever let it go. And every night I lay my weightless, non-existent self next to him, and snuggle close.

He feels so alone in this world…and the least I can do is draw myself as close as I can to him for the rest of his life.

It's not your fault  
That life was put to a halt

He mumbles it in his sleep, he cries it out when he is off to a land of nightmares, and he begs and begs in his tormented mind to be forgiven for that night.

And every time I'll push my soul around his and try to keep him warm, when yet he falls colder and farther into the dark pit.

He may have been so cruel to me, he may have been driving, he may have done a lot of things, but I swear on the hope of heaven and the fear of hell (1) that it wasn't his fault. It never was, and never shall be.

The thing I fear most is your apathy  
Lurking inside of you, seeping past me

Even in my state, I try to help him. I try to free him of his deadly imprisonment of self-loathing and depression, but every night that I wrap myself around him and everyday that I whisper into his ear he slips even farther away.

Is it something I say? Is it something I do? I pray to whatever god is real that its not. I pray that this is isn't real, that I'll wake from this hellish nightmare and be able to wrap myself quickly around Tatsuha who will accept me with concern and love.

But it's not a nightmare from hell, its life. Or more like death.

Please don't give up just yet,  
Please feel not one regret,  
Please keep your mind set,  
On this world that may hold me no more,  
But for you there is so much in store.

I know he thinks about death every moment of the day. The way he eyes his razor with curiosity and allows his arms to shiver at the thought of the pain. The way he tips his prescription pain killer pills up and shakes out more pills then necessary, then pushes them back into the bottle. The way he shakes when he puts away newly cleaned knives; he thinks and tempts himself.

I fear what he will do; he normally is the kind of person to go straight for whatever he wants.

Please, whatever higher being cares to listen, save his damned soul, set him free? He has so much to live for, and yet he is simply dwelling on the fact that I no longer live.

The thing I fear most is your apathy  
Your strong-willed mind giving in to sympathy

Don't get me wrong, my heart is flustered with the fact he would show such…hurt in the fact I am gone. For so long I thought he had truly hated me.

Yet I almost don't want him to show this much of despair! This is too much!

My hardheaded, perverted, cruel, beautiful lover is drowning in misery, something he would never allow himself to do.

Please remember I love you,  
Please remember to love me too  
Please replace me with someone new,  
Just don't forget me cause you see  
I'm waiting up here so you can be with me

With each passing day whatever is left of my soul is throbbing with hurt and un-shed tears. Tatsuha was alone; he was drifting away, and holding him at night and hugging him close wasn't going to catch him.

I wish people would come back and pester him; I pray that someone will come along and save him.

My heart is torn by the idea of Tatsuha moving on, finding new love. But…he needs it to survive. He needs it to make it through this hell and he can't do it physically alone.

Yet however no one will come. They have all given up…just like Tatsuha.

The thing I once feared most was your apathy,  
And then it was the lack of love you had for me

When I was alive and well with Tatsuha, my heart always hurt. My soul ached for him to care about me, care about us. I wanted nothing more then for him to hold me tight and say he loved me.

But he never did, ever. And if this soul that is my being now could cry, I would, every moment of the day that I haunt now.

I thought he never loved me, and I died like that. I died without a good bye, a kiss, or an "I love you". I died cold and alone, and I still feel it even now.

I'm cold and alone, and now so is Tatsuha. I want to blame him, I want to hate him, but I can't. What is there to hate and blame? I love him so much, even though he has left me cold and alone.

Please send to me your love,  
Please send it all away to me above,  
Please, I need that kind of shove  
To move on

One day as I watch the helpless Tatsuha curl up in bed and close his eyes, I felt a warm hand lay on my shoulder. I quickly turn around in fear.

I turned and I looked but I saw no face, I was just feeling a presence. This disturbed me a lot. I was about to jump into the bed to lie next to Tatsuha's retreated body, but then a soft voice spoke to me.

'_You should…leave. If you understand.' _Whether this voice was in my mind, or aloud was unknown.

Looking back at Tatsuha on the bed I shook my head no. I did no longer fear of this other near me, for my being and soul was pulled to Tatsuha and I could not long concentrate on anything other.

The warmth engulfs me, and it's as though I can feel breath on my shoulder.

'_Move on…come with me and I will take you to a place where you will forget all your troubles and fears…forget about the one you long for…he can move on and so can you'_

My eyes went wide and my head filled with thoughts.

Did I want Tatsuha to move on? Did I want him to forget? Did I want to forget?

'_No.'_ a whispered back sternly. Tatsuha was life, my life.

'_Do you love him? From the bottom of heart, to the ultimate levels of your knowledge?'_

My eyes fill with tears that cannot shed, and I nod my head.

'_Then to set him free, you must let him go. That is the power of love; freedom cannot be found unless freedom is achieved.'_

Although I don't understand the meaning of his words, I know they must be true.

'_Come with me, and you will go to a place where you will never hurt, nor feel pain again. All the memories that torment instead of sooth you will be gone.'_

But now that's what I fear more then your apathy  
Is you moving on without me

For one last night I crawl on the bed and lay next to Tatsuha, wrapping my arms around him tightly.

I didn't want to let go, but I had to. I had to leave. I can't hang on forever to something that was barely there. My soul was growing weak, numb, and sore and I have to be free, so does Tatsuha.

Please don't forget us,  
Please, even if you felt no love only lust,  
Please let me know in your heart I had trust

Tatsuha I beg you like I begged those seemingly non-existent gods, don't forget about us. Please don't forget I love you from the bottom of my heart. With every fiber of my long gone body to every stitch of my dieing soul, I love you.

But I need to go. I'm growing weary, and no matter how much I love you I have to let go, I have to leave this world.

Tatsuha I beg of you here on my hands and knees that you will remember me, let me fade away, but remember me.

Now no one is left to worry about your apathy,  
No more sorrow swimming inside of me,  
Well, none that you can see

Slowly I feel like I am disappearing in the suspicious warmth; tears that the laws of my soul once forbade to be release fall like rivers as I try to grab hold of Tatsuha's sleeping body.

I call and I shout and I beg for Tatsuha to save me, I didn't want to go, not without him.

He needed me as I need him. He needed me to save him from himself.

Please remember to wipe your tears,  
Please remember to beat your fears,  
Please save yourself when trouble nears

Please, anyone out there who has the power, someone save Tatsuha. Someone love him, someone take care of him. He is on the very edge of death and at any moment a gust of wind can push him over.

He is afraid, as I am. He is alone, as I am. He is weak, as I have been since I knew him.

Because I'm no longer there,  
And that is making my heart tear.

My eyes grow heavy and start to close as I watch Tatsuha disappear right before them. Or is it I who is disappearing? I try to keep them open, wanting to steal yet another glance at my broken love.

The thing I fear most is your apathy  
It brings out the darker sadder side of me

My darkness is slipping right through my fingers and I'm scrambling to pick them back up; those are mine! My love and dreams and hopes and everything that is Tatsuha are leaving me and I can't bear the thought that I will never see those eyes again. I will never remember him ever again. I need him, want him!

Please god someone stop this! True, Tatsuha was pain in my mind, but even if it was a sad terrible time of my life spent with him, he is I. He is my life and without whatever I have of him, I am truly gone.

So please hear all of my pleas  
Please you've got me down on my knees  
Live along with you're life,  
Even with all you're pain and strife,  
Cause you'll make it through

As every ounce of my love, my life seeps through my ripped open heart I slowly give in, and call out for one last bit of luck that will grant my unheard wish.

Please just let him be happy. Please let him be okay. He is such a great person and he deserves so much in life.

The thing I once feared most was your apathy

I close my eyes completely and then I am gone…

_Now I fear only mine._

Tatsuha Uesugi opened his eyes and looked into the small pocket sized picture of Suguru; for the first time in two and half years, he felt truly cold and alone.

End Chapter

(1)This is a phrase I got from "Johnny Tremain" (a book) and I fell in love with it.


	4. Big and Shiny

Title: Big and shiny  
Chapter: 4/16  
Genre: Romance…slight humor maybe.  
Characters: Eh…most of the cast  
Rating: T  
Warnings: Heh… OOCness U  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for my art and my poetry.  
Summery: Everyone's got a ring around his or her finger, except Suguru. Tatsuha better start purposing before Suguru puts a ring around his neck!

A/N: XD I love this. Random idea I got.

Suguru was more then annoyed. Shuichi had _finally_ just come to work, and announced cheerfully:

"Yuki asked me to marry him!" Shuichi stuck out his left hand to show off his, rather large, gorgeous golden diamond ring.

Oh no, Suguru wasn't envious. He didn't mind that everyone around him was married or getting married, and had large expensive diamond rings. Hell, Hiro had just married Ayaka!

Oh no, Suguru wasn't pissed that Tatsuha hadn't bought him a big gold diamond ring and ask his hand in marriage.

Nope, Suguru wasn't envious or pissed…he was furious. The thought that everyone else was happily settled down when yet Suguru, the most _mature _one of Bad Luck, had yet to be engaged made Suguru want to bitch and pout. This is exactly what he was going to do.

"Hey Suggie-bear, how was work-"

"Shut up Tatsuha." Suguru snapped as he brushed past Tatsuha open arms.

Tatsuha stood for a moment in confusion, but shrugged and turned to follow his lover into the living room. There Suguru sat on the couch; his legs crossed as he lay back reading a magazine of some sort. Tatsuha couldn't resist; his urge to pounce was great and he never failed to obey his pounce urge.

As Tatsuha was about to jump his little uke, without moving his head from reading the magazine Suguru spoke:

"Don't even think about it." Tatsuha's eyes knitted in wonder; did he do something wrong?

' He usually likes being pounced…or more like the things that come after wards but still.'

Tatsuha sighed, and walked to the couch and flopped down. He crawled over to Suguru, and wrapped his arms around the waist, laying his head on Suguru's lap.

Okay, Suguru _couldn't_ stay mad forever, and he knew this when he looked down at his childish, immature boyfriend and got the warm fuzzy feeling he always had when he was around Tatsuha. Suguru unconsciously brushed his fingers through Tatsuha's fine black hair, and continued to read. He was currently looking at the featured rings for the month from a jewelry store.

Oh the beautiful diamond rings…yes a bit girly for Suguru, but hell, those rings were beautiful…and if Tatsuha wasn't going to get one for him he could at least dream.

Tatsuha looked up at the page Suguru was reading, well more like looking at and partly drooling; it was wedding rings.

Huge expensive wedding rings, which Tatsuha couldn't even dream about affording.

Tatsuha frowned slightly but nuzzled back against Suguru's stomach.

"Hey, did you hear about Shuichi and Yuki? I'm sure you did…Shuichi does have the biggest mouth…" Tatsuha mentioned as he dozed off.

"Yep, I did. In fact he wouldn't shut up all day about it." Suguru mumbled as his eyes wondered over the rings and the high price tags on them.

Tatsuha rubbed Suguru's back gently; he could tell that his Suggie-bear was frustrated for reasons_ too _obvious for Tatsuha.

He had known for a while that Suguru wanted…"commitment". He had known that Suguru wanted something huge and big and show-offish, but Tatsuha didn't know what to do. Marriage wasn't exactly the biggest thing on his mind, but what scared him was that it was the biggest thing on Suguru's mind. And Tatsuha knew that his little angel was an impatient person.

Tatsuha sucked back the tears that were ready to fall as he pushed away the thought of Suguru leaving him.

What on earth was he going to do?

* * *

"Shindou-san will you stop gloating and focus a little!" Suguru snapped. Five days. For the last five days they have all had to endure the prancing "la-la-land" Shuichi who wouldn't stop skipping about, showing off his ring and praising about how happy he was for himself. Suguru was getting extremely annoyed. 

Shuichi turned from Hiro to look at Suguru mockingly. With a smirk, Shuichi bent over to table to reach and poke Suguru in the chest.

"Look little guy, just because _your _boyfriend hasn't purposed to you, and just because _you're_ not engaged while I am, doesn't mean you have to be bitchy and rain on my parade. So stop pouting and think of ways to get your man to purpose so I can enjoy my engagement." Shuichi said.

Suguru's eyes went wide and his lips went thin from frowning. That was slap on the face he had never expected from Shuichi. It was just…plain _rude._

The room was silent; everyone waited for Suguru's next move. The keyboardist stood and glared at the singer, contemplating whether to beat the little shit to a pulp or not. Deciding against it, Suguru turned and left the room with a slam of the door, hoping no one saw the tears that had built in his eyes.

Hiro looked at the closed door before looking up at the confused vocalist.

"That was harsh Shu."

* * *

Suguru snuggled in his warm blankets against the couch corner, trying to lull himself into a nap. What Shuichi had said was cruel and it made Suguru feel like crap. Of course, Shuichi was dull-headed moron with pink hair, who could never offend Suguru, but for once the dumb fool had actually succeeded in making the teen feel horrible. 

Suguru couldn't hold back his sob, almost unsure of why he was crying. Was it because what Shuichi said? Or was it that Tatsuha didn't want to marry him? He didn't know, but he couldn't help but cry.

* * *

Tatsuha stood in the bedroom, the door opened slightly to welcome in the faint sobs of from the keyboardist in the living room. Tatsuha pulled his hand through his black hair as he leaned against the wall. 

His poor baby…his little Suggie-bear was sad and upset all because Tatsuha wouldn't get his nerves together and ask his hand in marriage.

But there were so many things; for one, Tatsuha was damn near broke. He couldn't use Suguru's money to by the uke his own ring. And weddings were so expensive, especially the one Suguru had in mind. And 2, Tatsuha didn't know if he was ready for that…for total commitment. Yeah, he loved Suguru completely but they were so young…

Tatsuha wanted to cry himself when he heard Suguru's sobs get louder.

"Tatsuha, if you love me then why won't you ask me damn it!" Suguru cried aloud. Tatsuha's heart split in two.

Tatsuha carried the sleeping beauty to their bedroom, laying him on the bed. His poor angel had fallen asleep crying.

Pulling the sheets around the worn out body, Tatsuha walked out to the living room. He looked down at the magazine Suguru had been looking at, and picked it up.

The rings were so big…so _expensive._ His Suguru wanted one of those so bad, his angel wanted so badly for the commitment Tatsuha feared.

Tatsuha sucked back the sobs he wanted to release, and decided there was only one thing he could do; if his Suguru wanted a wedding, he was going to get it.

The raven-haired teen walked back into the room, and opened the top dresser drawer. He dug through the pile of socks and boxers until he found his small, bulky black pouch.

Pulling the string and opening the bag, Tatsuha dumped his savings into his hand, hoping it was enough.

* * *

The sun was high and Suguru just didn't feel like getting up. Throwing his blankets off of him he swung his legs to the side of the bed. The things we want to do are usually the things we can't do. 

Sighing, Suguru stood and dragged himself out of bed to the bathroom, grabbing clean clothes from the dresser along the way.

Rubbing his eyes and looking into the mirror, Suguru found a note from Tatsuha.

_Suggie-bear_

_Sorry I wasn't there to warm you up this morning, I went out to do a little early shopping. Lots of love, and have a good day at work. I'll see you when you get home!_

_Kisses and hugs_

_Tatsuha_

Suguru smiled slightly, crumpling the note and tossing it into the garbage.

* * *

Things were silent…too silent. Not even the sounds of Hiro's light guitar strumming were to be heard. The three members of Bad Luck sat in their chairs, fidgeting, writing and reading. 

Suguru looked up from his book to give his band mate's a glance; first noticing how the sun seemed to reflect brightly off their golden rings and such. Frowning, the keyboardist looked back down at his book.

"Are you done with those lyrics yet?" Suguru mumbled, becoming annoyed by the eerie silence.

"They'll be done when they're done so just shut it." Shuichi snapped. Suguru raised an eyebrow closing his book.

"No needs to get your panties in a knot, sheesh." Suguru said back.

"All right little guy, enough is enough. Damn you're even more annoying when you're jealous, you know that?" The two glared daggers at each other.

"What do you mean "jealous"? Me? Jealous of _you_? Of all the idiotic things you have said and done, that has got to top the list." Suguru said as he stood, pushing his chair under his table.

"Oh you know you're just pissed because _my_ lover asked me to marry him before your little boyfriend could ask you. I can see why he hasn't gotten around to it; I mean who would want to marry an immature, over-reactive, impatient punk like you?" Shuichi said as Suguru grabbed the doorknob.

"Shuichi this would be the good moment to shut up." Hiro said, tugging on Shuichi's sweatshirt to signal him to sit.

Slowly Suguru turned to glance sadly at Shuichi, sucking back his potential tears.

"Maybe you're right Shindou-san…I will see you two tomorrow." And with that, Suguru left for home.

* * *

Suguru stormed through the door of the apartment, kicking off his shoes and throwing his coat over the coat rack. He made his way to the kitchen where he found his lover cooking something. It smelled pretty good. 

"Hey Suguru, how was work?" Tatsuha asked kindly, looking at his boyfriend. But he got no reply as Suguru brushed past him and opened the cabin for a cereal box. Tatsuha watched as the petite teen stood on his tiptoes trying to reach for the box.

"Suguru, I'm cooking dinner-"

"Tatsuha just leave me alone." Suguru said almost pleadingly as he gave up on trying to reach the box. He turned and walked back to the living room, laying on the couch and snuggling into a blanket.

Tatsuha watched Suguru leave the kitchen, knowing exactly the reason behind the keyboardist's attitude. Turning the stove on low, Tatsuha followed.

"Suguru…what's wrong?" Tatsuha asked, sitting next to the addressed person and wrapping his arms around him. When Tatsuha got no answer he continued. "Look…Suggie-bear…if there is something wrong that I have done please tell me…" Okay Tatsuha knew what was wrong, but Suguru didn't know that.

Suguru looked at his boyfriend and wanted to cry. How could he tell Tatsuha that he wanted to get married? It wouldn't be right; it would be selfish. Tatsuha was good at heart and kind but oh so damned clueless.

"You haven't done anything Tatsuha…and that's the point." Suguru mumbled, instantly regretting his words the second they rolled off his tongue.

Tatsuha looked down shamefully.

"Tatsuha…are we…ever going to get married? I mean…I …" Suguru turned away from Tatsuha's gaze, feeling oddly guilty.

"Suguru…you know I can't promise that. We're so young and-"

"That never stopped you before!" Suguru shouted, tears falling from his eyes. "So many times I've said that before! Yet you persist that we weren't! Hell the first time we had _sex_ you said we weren't to young, so how is this situation any different?" Suguru cried as sobs racked through his body.

Tatsuha wrapped his arms around the crying teen and pulled him onto his lap. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a small black box, hoping to whatever god that cared to listen, that Suguru wouldn't be disappointed.

"Suguru it's hard to give you everything you want in this world, so what I can give, I will give." Suguru lifted his head from Tatsuha's chest and looked into his eyes.

Tatsuha reached his thumb to wipe away the tears from Suguru's eyes as he lifted the small box. Carefully he opened it to reveal a small, white gold diamond ring. Key word; _small_. Three raised diamonds all in a row, the middle diamond being the largest. Tatsuha knew that Suguru liked the yellow gold; diamond filled rings, but not even every penny Tatsuha owned could afford it.

"I used every last bit of money I had to get you this. It's not much, in fact it's a speck of dust compared to those rings I know you want. I am not a rich man in the concept of money…but Suguru you're all the riches I could ever need in this world. Will you…marry me?" There, he had finally asked.

Tatsuha had asked at the worst possible time, at the worst possible place, and with the smallest possible ring, and unexpected to Suguru, he could care less.

Smiling happily, Suguru threw his arms around Tatsuha's neck and cried 'Yes' over and over again.

* * *

"Congratulations Fujisaki!" Hiro said patting the keyboardist on the back. Shuichi however was examining the small diamond ring on Suguru's finger. 

"It's kinda small," murmured Shuichi dropping Suguru's hand. He looked up and smiled at his band mate. "But very pretty."

Suguru smiled.

It might be small, but the meaning behind it made the ring oh so much bigger.

End Chapter

Sigh . forgive me. It was utter crap, I know. But this was more of a "day-to-day life" kind of shot, not really much of a plot.


	5. Dirty Thoughts

Title: Dirty thoughts  
Chapter: 5/16  
Rating: PG 14 ish XD  
Genre: humor/drama'  
Characters: Shuichi, K, Sakano, Tatsuha, Hiro and Suguru.  
Warnings: O.O. Randomness.  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything  
Description: Tatsuha is doing naughty things to Suguru in the studio room! What will the others do?

Today, was going to be a good day. Shuichi had a great night last night, no arguments with Yuki (which was almost impossible, considering the author was cooped up in his study) his stomach was full of pocky, and he had arrived early, which meant no waking up to a gun in his face.

Yes, today was going to be a good day.

But, finding his best friend, manager, and Sakano-san pressed against the door, giggling and apparently listening to whatever was going on in the room made things turn to the oddest; scratch good day, today was going to be weird.

So in other words, it would be a normal day.

Hiroshi lifted his head up as he saw Shuichi approach, and put his finger to his lips.

"Shhh. Come 'ere" Hiro said in a whisper. Shuichi raised an eyebrow in confusion, but did as requested non-the less.

"I don't know Tatsuha…it'll hurt too much." The voice drifted into Shuichi's ear that was pressed to the door.

"Ah, come on Suguru, it won't hurt, I promise I'll be gentle…" Shuichi turned bright red, understanding where this was going. K had his maniac grin on, probably thinking up another publicity scheme.

"But its so _big_ Tatsuha!" the eavesdroppers heard Suguru cry. Sakano was on the verge of fainting.

"Here, how about I put this stuff over it, it'll be smoother okay?" Hiro tried his hardest to hold in his fit of laughter.

"Tatsuha…please be easy with me…" Shuichi turned into a deeper shade of red.

"What is up with you today, Suguru? You're never this whiny. If anything you say I'm the one that's whiny!" Sakano fainted.

Shuichi looked over at Hiro, whispering quietly "Suguru topped _Tatsuha?_"

"Here I go Suguru, you ready?"

"Be easy Tatsuha, I know how sloppy you can get."

"Hey! Are you calling me dumb?" Everyone behind the door sweat dropped.

"Not exactly…but I guess you _are_- Tatsuha!"

"Shh, stop squirming or it will hurt more!" Sakano cracked open an eye from the floor where he lay.

"Uh…do any of you think we should stop this?"

"Here, I brought chocolate flavored pocky for you. Suck on that for the time being, distract yourself while I do it."

"Tatsuha I think you should stop, this really hurts!" Hiro blinked, and began to frown.

"Stop whining you sissy and let me finish this!" K reached for his gun.

"Please Tatsuha! Stop! It really, really hurts!"

"Oh come on Suguru. It's not that bad!"

"OH! Ow! Tatsuha stop! Please!" Shuichi copied the frown that Hiro wore, pulling back from the door.

"This is getting out of hand, we need to help Fujisaki!" Sakano said in a loud whisper, standing from the floor.

The other three nodded, turning back to the door.

"1" said K.

"Tatsuha, it's to big, just leave it be! It will be fine!"

"Not when it's sticking up like that!" Shuichi turned even redder.

"2" Hiro said, as he, Shuichi and K began to scoot back.

"Oh my god Suguru…it's so tight-"

"3!" they all yelled, kicking down the door. K pointed his gun and ran in with Hiro and Shuichi.

"Alright Tatsuha, what the hell do you think you're doing! Taking advantage of your boyfriend you rapist prick-"Shuichi stopped in mid-sentence as he looked at the two lovers before him.

"What the _fuck_ is _wrong_ with you people…" Suguru said, wiping the traces of tears from his face.

The keyboardist sat on the edge of the table with his hand out. Tatsuha was knelt on one knee, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. In his hand he held a pair of tweezers with a rather large looking sliver clasped at the top of the pointy utensils.

"Well we all heard- we thought- well-"Hiro stammered, unable to finish his sentence.

Sakano, K, Hiro and Shuichi stood dumbfounded.

"What?" Suguru snapped, becoming annoyed. K swallowed with a gulp.

"We thought…he… (Referring to Tatsuha who is still frozen in his position of "deer-caught-in-headlights") was…_raping_ you…" K said, trailing off.

Finally Tatsuha stood, setting his tweezers on the table.

"Is that what you crazy jackasses take me as? Some sick guy who would rape the one he loves most?" Tatsuha said angrily dramatic. He grasped Suguru's hands from the boys lap and held them tight.

"Well, ah, yah…"Shuichi's mind went blank at trying to think of something to say.

"If you haven't noticed, I was getting a sliver out of Suguru-kun's hand." Tatsuha said, pointing to the tweezers that lay next to a bottle of "germ-killer crème".

"Oh…"

"You guys need help." Suguru said, standing from the table.

"You and your dirty personalities."

Yes, today was a weird day. In other words, a weird day.

End Chapter

Okay people have written things like this before, but I've decided it would be fun for this story too.

IN other words everyone; get your mind out of the gutter. There's only enough room in there for my fat ass x3


	6. Remember my voice

Chapter title: Remember my voice  
Chapter: 6/16  
Genre: angst…. slight romance  
Rating: T, for a sad topic not for kiddies that like elves, unicorns and rainbows.  
Characters: Tatsuha and Suguru.  
Warnings: You best have a Costco sized box of tissues . I cried writing this.

Life is such a painful experience, and yet it at times will un-expectedly surprise you with great joy.

To all those looking into living a life, turn back while you still have the chance. It's full of disappointment after disappointment, but to all those brave enough to give it a shot, don't fall in love. I did once…so long ago, and all I can remember now is how much it hurt. It always hurts in the end.

His name was Tatsuha…he was sweet, romantic and loving. At first I thought he was a pointless, dumb, pervert. He was strange, and had an undying passion for Ryuichi Sakuma.

But then the unthinkable happened; I was set up on a blind date. Me. Suguru Fujisaki. Blind date. Those words didn't seem to go together too well. And it didn't, but not until the second date. But that's beside the story now.

Apparently Shuichi had formed a little scheme in that little brain of his, and set up Eiri-san's brother and I on a blind date. I myself was amazed that such an idiot would have come up with it, and at the time I was furious. And now I can't seem to thank Shindou-san enough for it.

So I met Tatsuha, and ate dinner with him. He was so…childish it scared me. But non-the less he tried to be polite. And after dinner he rode me to my home on that…. motorcycle of his, which later became the source of my reseating hairline (do to the fact that monk drove like a maniac).

Ah and that's another thing about him, he was a monk. The strangest one I have ever met, for sure. I learned that on our second date, in which was at a coffee shop. How he convinced me to take his phone number, and _actually call_ him I don't know. I honestly wanted to crumple that paper up and throw it in the trashcan. For I knew the ways of life.

I knew how easy it was to make a heart break. I knew that daring to walk away from the straight line would cause only hurt and pain. But I wanted…to give it a try. I wanted to free myself from the chains that protected me, yet hurt so badly at the same time. I promised myself I wouldn't get hurt; if anything were to happen I would pull back from being an open book, back to a person just trying to make my way.

So I called him. I called him out of the pure curiosity of what loving was like. Out of wondering what being a normal human being was like. I wanted to know how it felt to be in the highest of clouds all the way down to the painful sting of the heart, only caused by the unforgiving flames of hell. It was a risk I knew there was no backing away from.

And when he kissed me good night after the date, I knew I didn't want to back away. He had swept me off my feet. He taught me things that teachers and tutors and textbooks could never teach me. He made sure that I knew I was an amazing person. He made sure I flew with the wings I had.

He set me free to a sky of a world never known. It was our world and I loved it. I loved every grain of dirt, to every branch of the tallest tree.

In other words, he taught me love and how great it really was.

And for four years, we were happy. I began to see past his childish ways and past his idiotic moments. I learned how romantic and sweet he was, despite his moronic sense of opinion. I also learned how…cough _great_ it was. He could be gentle and sweet, all the way to rough and dirty. And in all of my shyness, I still couldn't and –to this day- cannot deny that.

But as I thought nothing could bring me down from this incredible high, it did. And since we were so high, we fell so incredibly and painfully hard.

We were both twenty at that time, and even though we were so young, love couldn't have been easier for us to understand.

And then he got a cough. Simple as that. We both thought it was a cold; the symptoms seemed like it too, so he lived on some Advil and other pain reducing medications for a while.

But the weeks went by, and the cough hadn't gone away. Instead, it turned into violent racks of hacking and coughing and neither of us understood what it was. I told him to go see the doctor, but him in his stubbornness refused. Saying he was just fine.

And I believed him.

He would look at me sweetly; give me a gentle kiss, and say, "Don't worry yourself, because as long as you're fine, I'm fine."

I remember the weird little rituals…I mean habits he had. He made it his life goal to collect every magazine, every poster, every TV interview, ANYTHING "Bad Luck" or "Fujisaki Suguru!". As weird as it sounds…I found it…cute. He didn't know that I knew; he had his stash "well-hidden" in the attack above the closet. Till this day I haven't even touched those pieces of Tatsuha's treasure; I've left it the way it was since the very last time Tatsuha had touched them.

But even as I hoped and watched as Tatsuha became sicker and sicker, almost begging him to seek medical attention, he refused. I wondered at the time why he wouldn't go, even though he himself knew he was beyond your common cold.

His skin grew colder and paler and his eyes seemed to grow darker. He was sick, physically and emotionally and it was really starting to show.

Every morning I once was used to being surrounded in complete warmth; Tatsuha's arm wrapped around me tightly. But as Tatsuha became sicker I woke up numerous times during the night to his shudders and cries and moans of pain. And by the morning I would try and pull him to a doctor, but he would just kiss me sweetly as usual, and say, "best be getting up or you'll be late for work."

And as he grew weaker, I felt myself becoming sick too. Restless nights and long working days, on top of that a very sick boyfriend was really wearing down on me. But I kept going. The only reason why, is because I knew that's what Tatsuha wanted; he hated to see me down because of him. He lived on my smiles, or so he told me.

I remember one time, as Tatsuha was at his worse days of illness; he managed get out of bed before I even woke that morning. It was our anniversary, and I thought there wouldn't be any celebrating. But I knew I was wrong when I woke to a sweat smell of _something._

Sitting up in the bed, I saw Tatsuha standing in the threshold of the bedroom door, holding a tray of fresh fruits and other breakfast assortments. He stood there; his hair lay flat on his head, no longer holding the shine it once did. His skin pale and body thin. He was slowly eroding away and just the image of him broke my heart.

Slowly he walked over to our bed, setting the tray in the middle as he scooted back under the covers.

Leaning over the tray, he planted a kiss on my forehead.

"Happy anniversary, Suguru…"

I was so happy that I felt tears of joy reach my eyes. It was so sweet of him to do, especially when he was so sick he hardly left the bed.

But that same night, I woke up again, but without the feeling of arms around me. The bed was empty, and Tatsuha was nowhere in the room. As my eyes traveled through the darkness I noticed light coming from under the bathroom door. Tiredly I stood, and made my way across the bedroom to the bathroom. And what happened next as I opened the bathroom door, I wouldn't take no for an answer; people throwing up blood in the middle of the night couldn't be healthy.

And so he went to the doctor. They ran tests after tests and couldn't find the cause. His symptoms just didn't match up; there was nothing they could do. He was forced to stay in the hospital bed. They filled him up on medications but nothing was working. He was getting sicker, and sicker…

I spent my nights and days struggling and praying for some sort of turn for the better. I visited him as much as possible, doing my best to make him comfortable. It wasn't right; Tatsuha was a person who needed freedom, he needed to be active and hyper and childish but he couldn't. He was weak and tired.

I would sit at the side of his bed, read to him, and brush his hair out of his face, anything to make him happy. And I kept my smile on, knowing he hated to see me frown, even though I was dieing and crumbling inside.

Visitors came and went, even Tatsuha's older brother, Eiri-san came every now-and-then.

The seasons passed, no longer was it summer. I continued to stay by his side, doing my best to make him comfortable as he could hardly get up anymore. He was tired, and not just in a sleepy sense. His time was coming and we all knew it.

I remember I would go home and cry each night until I could fall asleep. I held in the tears during the day, trying to be strong for him, and set them free at night. I needed and wanted him there to hold me and protect me, but now it was I who had to carry that burden, and a heavy one at that.

I didn't accept nor deny any of it. It was so hard to do either and I couldn't bare any more pain or any more tears. And Tatsuha knew this; he knew I didn't want any of this anymore.

One of his last days on this earth, I remember had started out like any other day. I had gone in straight from work, sat down and talked. We would just…talk and nothing more. But the conversations became more one-sided as Tatsuha lost his strength to speak.

He kept close eye contact with me, nodded in agreement with some of my babblings. He would try to smile but even those few mussels were too weak to move. Slowly, he pushed his hand over the edge of the bed, and rested it on my thigh, signaling for my hand. And I obligated, lacing my fingers in his cold skinny ones. I resisted my urge to squeeze them, fearing that they might break.

Looking straight in his eyes I felt tears well up in my own, finally breaking free in front of him. I couldn't hold back anymore; being strong was too hard. He was dieing! Forever to be gone! My body quivered as my silent crying turned into harsh, racking sobs.

"Tatsuha…please don't leave me!"

As he continued to hold my gaze, tears fell from his eyes too.

And finally I accepted it. And it hurt. We all had to, and when the realization swept over us all, friends and family, Tatsuha was at his last hours of life.

All of us sat in the private waiting room; Tatsuha's elder sister sobbed as Seguchi-san tried desperately to comfort her, Eiri remained emotionless as Shindou-san sat next to him.

The doctor greeted us kindly and with a sad face explained to us Tatsuha fate. They hadn't a clue what the cause was, only that he was doomed from the beginning.

One by one, we all went in, talking and hugging Tatsuha. I, being the last, stayed with him through out the night. I did my best to give him a smile as I sat in the chair I had grown accustomed to over the last half year. I stroked his cheek lovingly, letting my smile fade, as I knew this was the last time I would ever see his eyes open.

"Smile…for me…" Tatsuha begged with a weak, almost non-existent voice. Two tears slipped from my eyes as my lips quivered. I stretched my lips as far as I could in my emotional state.

"You're…so…beautiful…" he said with a struggled breath. His hand lifted from the bedside, brushing lightly over my shivering lips.

And he died. No surprise.

Yet…I felt like someone pulled a carpet from right under my feet.

His soul was gone. Never again was he going to hold me. Never again would he wipe my tears away. Forever all that would be left of him on this earth was his body, buried somewhere six feet under.

And soon after, I received his will, and all other assets and things. I personally didn't care for those things, for nothing seemed to matter after he died…

A month or so after Tatsuha's funeral, there was a knock on my door. Tiredly I dragged my self out of bed, throwing on a shirt and walked to the front door.

I didn't do much with my life then. I work, ate, and then slept. I slept on days off, I slept as soon as I came home from work, any and every moment I could. I liked doing this…it was the only easy way to forget how much my life sucked.

Opening the door, I expected a gun in my face, knowing I was probably late for work again due to my over sleeping; yet instead I was greeted with the site of someone much unexpected.

"Morning Fujisaki-san." Eiri-san said, standing with a neutral expression as usual. Before I could speak, he continued himself.

"I am here on business concerning my brother…" my head had quickly emptied of anything to say. I moved out of the way of the door, inviting the older man in, but he shook his head.

"No…this will only take a second." He reached into his coat pocket, pulling out a flat circular object, and held it out in front of me to take. Picking it up, I examined the object closer. The lines across the top of it indicated it was a recorder of some sort, a raised button off to the very edge of it. I looked up to Eiri-san in confusion, but he just shook his head and pointed to the button.

As is it lay in the palm of my hand, I pushed the button.

'_I love you Suguru'_ my heart seemed to stop as I froze. My eyes went wide as they gazed down at the white object in my hand.

I pressed it again, the sound filling my ears _'I love you Suguru'_ and again _'I love you Suguru'_ and over and over again till I could finally comprehend what it was.

Every time I pushed the button it recited Tatsuha's voice. He sounded…healthy and happy. Not at all like he did at his deathbed. As unwanted tears made their way down my face I looked up at Eiri-san again.

"What…is this?" I asked, pleading for an answer. He sighed, and shook his head slightly.

"My brother had told me to give this to you, months before he died. When he first got sick. I was told to give this to you, and so I am."

My head began to spin; why would Tatsuha do that? Did he think he was really going to die the first few days he was ill?

"He didn't tell you, did he?" Eiri asked, looking almost annoyed.

Shaking my head, I whispered, "No…"

"He most likely didn't want to hurt you…" Eiri said, "He told me how you pushed and pushed for him to go to a doctor all the time he was ill. He never did on your watch did he?" he paused for my answer, and I shook my head no.

"Well truth is, he _did_ go. He went at least once or so a week. He knew, Suguru. He knew very well that he would soon pass away. So he made this for you."

* * *

That little device is how I live still today. It's the only thing keeping me moving in this world that holds him no more. 

And this is why life is never worth living. When someone tells you to "live a little", remember that's how you get hurt. Living beyond the sidewalk is how your heart will get shot down, how you will succumb to a weakness. You are taught things you don't want to be taught. You learn things you don't want to learn, and no matter how good and happy things all seem, you will fall. You will hurt. You will cry.

I push that button every day. It is my weakness, and I hate it. Tatsuha opened me up and I can never close again. I have felt pain that could have been avoided. I have gone through things that I never should have gone through.

I am done; never again will I walk off the line I walked. But I will remember…

I will remember with that button, what it felt like to be happy. What it felt like, to live.

Most of all…

I will remember his voice…

End Chapter

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	7. Its the thought that counts

Disclaimer: I own nothing x)  
Title: It's the thought that counts  
Chapter: 7/16  
Genre: Fluffy romance kind of an early valentine thing.  
Characters: Tatsuha/Suguru and Shuichi…for un-obvious reasons.  
Warnings: x)  
Summery: Well Valentines Day approaches, and poor Suguru faces his worst dilemma in giving his recent boyfriend a gift of yummy chocolate: He can't cook! So who comes to the rescue? Non-other then the hazard-prone Shuichi.

Suguru Fujisaki, keyboardist of Bad luck, two days before the day of love and annoying pink cards, had finally after hours of thought, found out the best gift to give to his boyfriend; a delicious chocolate cake!

Who _wouldn't_ love such a delightful treat? It would be perfect for the wacky monk, so simple yet so good! Suguru was _sure_ a homemade; double stacked cake would make Tatsuha fall to his knees in happiness. And so the keyboardist of age sixteen was determined to make the best, most excellent cake of the century for his lover's valentine's gift.

But there was _one_ tiny, little, teeny, small set back; Suguru, as he looked out at the ingredients from his mothers own recipe, was hit in the head with the realization, that he had _no_ idea how to cook, let alone a cake.

So after a moment of frustration, pouting and anger, Suguru gave up, and hurriedly cleaned the kitchen before Tatsuha returned home. He would just have to try tomorrow.

But still, not even a good night sleep or a healthy breakfast, or insane research on how to cook, _or _after reading many "how-to" cook books, Suguru could still not comprehend the art of making worlds best chocolate cake. And on top of that, the kitchen was a _mess._ Many attempts had the same outcome as the last, the "best cake in the world" tasted like crap. And scarily enough, looked like it each time it was pulled out of the oven too.

Oh what was this poor Suguru to do?

So the very day of Valentines Day itself, with absolutely still no present for the perverted Tatsuha, Suguru dragged his tired self into the studio, just minutes from being late.

"Jesus Christ Fujisaki, you look like you just dragged yourself out of a plane crash." Shuichi commented, taking a seat at the table next to Hiro.

What is Shuichi doing there early anyway?

Suguru dropped in his seat across from the deranged lead singer, and his down-to-earth side kick in crime guitarist. In all honesty, he felt like he was just in a plane crash.

With melodramatic sigh, the seemingly only sensible member of Bad luck, began to explain his situation. Of the long last two days of trying his hardest to make the perfect cake, of the nights of reading online and books and usually ending up tied to the bed by the "supposed to be" monk, of many failed attempts to make something _other_ then complete crap from the hundreds of ingredients, and of the insomnia all of the above had caused.

Hiro gave a light chuckle, and Shuichi put on a face that made him almost look like he was thinking. Key word; _almost._

" I was thinking, and now I have the perfect idea to help!" Shuichi said enthusiastically, standing from his seat.

"I didn't think that possible Shindou-san…" Suguru mumbled as he lifted his head to look at the hyper ball of energy. From that moment on Suguru swore he'd find the bastard of a doctor whom failed to diagnose Shuichi with A.D.H.D. (1)

"How about, I come over to your house after work, and help you bake that cake? Yuki's not going to be home till late tonight, some meeting with his editor, so I can help you create the most delicious cake of all!" Hiro snorted a laugh beside his friend.

"Sure that's entirely safe, he who can not be trusted around anything flammable?" Hiro commented. He received a slap up the back of his head.

"I'm perfectly capable of baking a cake, I baked one for Yuki last year on his birthday, and when I tested it on your pet bird, he seemed to like it! (for Yuki himself would never dare the attempt eating anything created by Shuichi.)

"So that's how fluffy died…" Hiro said rubbing his chin, as though putting the pieces together to the mysterious puzzle of how his pet bird had died a while back.

But poor Suguru was desperate enough, so had no other choice then to accept the proposal of Shuichi assistants in baking a cake. However, even more unfortunately for the keyboardist, Suguru lacked the knowledge of how terrible Shuichi's cooking skills were as well…

And so, the two went straight to work on project "Make worlds best cake ever". Truly, mission impossible. Hour after hour, cake after cake, Suguru was near a point of tears as no matter how hard they tried, the cake came looking out worse then before. Somehow, there was a sneaking suspicion lingering that Shuichi's idea of adding the _whole bag_ of sugar instead of the recommended much smaller amount had _something _to do with the problem.

And finally, the last cake that was pulled out of the oven was no better then the rest.

"I'm real sorry Fujisaki-kun…I have to go now." Shuichi said as he smiled weakly to his band mate, feeling pretty glad he wasn't the younger boy at the moment.

"Oh! And also, I left a little something that may make things better on your bed for later. Yuki goes crazy when I wear it…so…good luck! See you later!" and with that, the singer bounced off.

Suguru stood in the large kitchen in frustration. Staring down at the blob that didn't even look like a cake, Suguru knew it was all he could do. Quickly putting on the frosting, he shoved the dangerous concoction in the fridge. All that was left to do, was clean up, and fast. Tatsuha would be home any minute.

And after the dishes and pans were scrubbed, the blobs of burnt ingredients trashed, and the flour and assortments of other things were cleaned away, Suguru himself was still a disaster. But there was no time to spare as the front door opened, and Tatsuha made himself known.

"Hey Suguru, I'm home!" Suguru's heart dropped. He was a mess, and his gift was a total flop. But even though burning tears stung his eyes, he knew he had to do, what there was left to do; present to Tatsuha, "worlds worst cake ever".

Pulling the cake out of the fridge, Suguru placed it on the table, and waited nervously for his boyfriend.

"Hey Suguru…" Tatsuha said, walking into the kitchen. He pulled his smaller lover into a deep kiss while placing a bundle of red roses in his arms.

"Happy Valentines Day." Tatsuha said putting on a sweet smile, as he wrapped his arms around Suguru. The said boy blushed in delight, and his heart stopped, as he knew the moment he dread had come.

Pulling himself, regretfully, out of the arms of Tatsuha, Suguru set the roses on the table, and hesitantly picked up the _thing_ that was supposed to be a cake. Turning to his lover, Suguru held up the plate.

"H-happy Valentines day…" Suguru said, knowing fully well that a fit of laughter would start any moment now.

And it did.

The monk laughed as he looked down at what appeared to him as an attempted desert of some sort, forgetting entirely the thought that his boyfriend had probably worked very hard on it.

Through chokes of laughter, Tatsuha finally asked:

"What is it?" and that was enough to make Suguru let out a sob. Lowering his face, and the cake, letting the tears fall, he knew that Tatsuha hated his gift.

Suguru knew he had failed to make the "worlds best cake ever" in which case, failing to please his lover. The thought hurt, and the chuckles that were heard weren't helping.

And even when the laughter stopped, the tears that fled down Suguru's face didn't. Realizing his rude mistake, Tatsuha lifted his lover's chin to wipe the tears and look into his eyes.

"Thank you very much for this…cake Suguru." Tatsuha said with an apologetic glance. Suguru's eyes turned bright and his smile grew. All Tatsuha could do was thank whatever god was listening for making his guess on what the desert was right.

So, Tatsuha took a gamble on his life, and ate every…last…disgusting, vile crumb of the blob. But the desert Tatsuha received later was oh, so much sweeter. For Shuichi, apparently had been kind enough to lend Suguru his ever-famous schoolgirl outfit.

Ah, the desert may not have been so sweet…but it was the thought that counted.

End Chapter

Wow…that was weird xD

(1) No offense to those who have it, though it's a disorder found mostly in boys, and my doubts run high that many of such gender will be reading this…to those who are boys, thanks for reading!


	8. Cold flames

Disclaimer: I don't own it. I do however own "Ticket to hell" despite how much it sucks.  
Title: Cold flames  
Chapter: 8/16  
Characters: TatsuhaxSuguru  
Rating: 14+  
Genre: angst  
Summery: when love is dull, is there something that can be done?  
Warnings: A lot of OOC. Do forgive me. I tried to do a good persona of Suguru but it slipped when the plot of this twisted in my head.

Hey you've got your one-way ticket to hell 

Yeah that's how far you've fell

Hey you've got your one-way ticket to hell

First class seats and everyone's to tell

Suguru's POV

"Love doesn't get old, or boring…it just gets lost. It's like…a scar. You get a booboo from when you're younger, but over the years it just fades away. And then finally after so long it's gone. You can't find the mark on your skin anymore, even though you know it was once there."

How is it anyone can explain something so heart tearing, with such ease? How is it someone who claims he's in love so simply explain out a fact of a subject I fear so damn much?

Well then again you never know what Shindou-san has going on in his mind.

To long now have I wondered, reasoned, considered and pondered things. Unpleasant things for a relationship. Over and over again I've continuously tried to understand the reasons for his behavior…for mine. Is it my fault? Am I not enough to please him? I mean I buy him stuff…I do so much for him…everything he wants he will get no matter how much I disagree.

And no matter how badly I want to leave, I can't.

You play with fire and you tend to learn

You mess with love and you tend to cry

But you let yourself go and you tend burn

Hey just give it up

I want to walk out, say so long. But no matter how noticeably that "scar" is gone, something keeps me with him.

Despite his…going _elsewhere_ for things.

I linger in the shadows now a day. I watch from the sidelines as others cater to him, and yet he is so oblivious to my eyes and hints that I know. I know his dirty little secrets, and every time I lay to sleep in bed I can't help but cringe at the thought I'm not the only one to lay here besides Tatsuha.

I'm not surprised though. I expect the worst from him to be honest.

So my heart aches with the undeniable truth that I am no longer good for much. So I do my best to keep him happy else wise. I truly do. I'm like the mother who wouldn't stop spoiling her undeserving brat. But its not working anymore either. Nothing no matter how great it is will get more then an "Oh wow…thanks." from him.

Pretty things will tend to be deceiving

But so will everyone else

Your heart cries and your to blame

So you won't allow yourself the relief of death

I forgot what he _feels_ like, what he tastes like, and his smell, his everything. He's gone…so gone from me. Tears pool at my eyes every time I catch him touching another. How _dare_ he…what good are they? Those sluttish girls can't give him everything I can! I can shower him in gifts, items and gold's no one has ever dreamed of! And yet…my attempts are futile as I'm swept aside.

For months now I've been trying to walk. Trying to leave a note that says "good night and good luck." But I can't. I mean my suitcases are in the closet waiting. Everything is packed up, the note is written. All I have to do is go…but I still can't.

What should I do? Degrading as it is, I'll do anything…anything for that scar to come back. I want him back so bad, but all he wants is I gone.

Hey now hey now don't you cry

Hey now hey now you'll never fly Cause you

And hearing him stumble through the halls to our bedroom, knocking a glass vase full off dead roses to the floor, drunk and giggling with another woman only proves it.

I remain silent as I pick up the pieces and rose petals, laying towels down to dry the water.

I must have been there a long time, for soon I hear footsteps behind. I don't look up though…if I try to make myself invisible then it will make Tatsuha happy.

"Who's that?" the obviously very satisfied woman slurred, swaying drunkenly to the door.

"It's no one." And the front door slammed shut.

"_It's no one."_

I'm no one. The words repeat in my head as they ring loud with fact and honesty. I _am _no one. Not anymore.

I can feel his body tower over me from my side, yet I still am hunched on my knees, wiping a very dry floor…back and forth…spreading the petals around and scratching the glass in to the hardwood…

"Why are you still here?" he asked tiredly.

Yet I didn't answer. There was no answer. So he simply walked to the bedroom and closed the door.

And there I was…all night. Scrubbing the ground back and forth…the glass ripped the rag eventually… the petals of the once lively roses became soaked and tore into pieces…pieces of the shattered vase stuck to my hands…sometimes ripping the skin.

Hey you've got your one-way ticket to hell

Yeah that's how far you've fell

Hey you've got your one-way ticket to hell

First class seats and everyone to tell

But I shed not a tear. Nope.

Had I snapped? I don't know...does sitting in one position and fruitlessly scrubbing the floor all night and well into the next day make me mental? Maybe.

What would make Tatsuha happy? What will bring him back to me?

What will it take?

Slowly I stood from the floor, sore muscles making them selves known. Yet I didn't care…I stepped on the glass, some catching in my socks as I walked towards the bedroom.

I stood beside the bed, and poked hard at Tatsuha's arm.

5:30 in the morning…he'll be pissed. But this is what must be done. I'll kill for him if that's what it means.

"What do you want? Do you know how _fucking early_ it is? You annoying pest." Tatsuha spat out venomously as he sat up.

"What can I do for you?"

My question seemed to puzzle him…so I asked again.

"I'll do anything…what is it you want? I'll get whatever you want or need for you…I'll do whatever you wish. Anything short of me leaving you…but if its what you wish I shall do it…"

Tatsuha sighed and flopped back under the covers.

"You woke me up for that? Damn you're annoying. I don't know…kill yourself for all I care." Tatsuha said with a snort.

My face fell as the harshness of his word hit hard.

But he wants it…and I'll do it.

Don't you cry, don't you cry

Just fall, forgive and not forget

Cause hun your gonna not find a way

Yeah we've all got hell to pay

"Okay." I said. Turning around I started to head towards the bedroom door.

Pills, pills, pills…So many different ones. It was like skittles in my hands. Laughing shortly, I decided it wasn't enough. So I opened to cabin and looked for more. More pills…I tried to avoid using Tatsuha's medications…because he needs them, but his sleeping pills were the only thing that would fully do the trick.

Throwing them all into my mouth, I stick my head under the sink and drank the gross water. Yet I didn't care…I was finally doing something that would surely make Tatsuha happy. It was on his request and all! This would surely do the trick…maybe now I can feel that love again…or maybe not…but at least he'll be satisfied.

Feeling creepily giddy, I walked back to the bedroom, and woke Tatsuha one last time.

"What _now_ you moron!" Tatsuha grumbled into his pillow.

"Tatsuha, please hold me…" Tatsuha turned in the bed, his back facing me.

"Let me fuckin' sleep."

"Please Tatsuha…as my last request. I'm doing yours…please do mine." I begged. It's all I want…just to die in his arms…oh how happy I'll be…

Things started to get hazy as I watched Tatsuha turn and sit up, giving me a funny look.

"Suguru…what the hell does that mean?" what a stupid question. He's being dumb.

"Please just hold me so I can be happy okay? Things are starting to spin and I'm going to fall a sleep soon." Tatsuha eyes went big as he quickly stood. Wait…was his eyes big? I can't tell anymore…my vision was slipping away.

"Suguru what the fuck!" He's shaking me now…is he mad at me? I thought this is what he wanted.

"Please hold me…I did what you asked…its only fair…"

"Suguru!"

Hey now hey bird forgot how to fly

Hey now, hey now don't you cry Cause you

Ever get the feeling that you've snapped? That you've lost every ounce of sanity? If you have…you know how much it _sucks_ for everyone else to know about it too.

Oh the tabloids and my family wouldn't shut _up_. Suguru this, Suguru that, it was like a friggin' pity parade.

But when I woke up to the beeping noise of a heart monitor, all I felt was shame. I hadn't done what he wanted me to do…Probably why he doesn't love me anymore. I can't fulfill his wants.

It didn't help to see the sign on another patient's door outside my own room's window: "Suicide Watch ward: room number..." Great. I'm in with the loonies.

Looking beside me, I see to my surprise Tatsuha, looking at me emotionlessly. Go figures…not a tear in his eye, not a ruffle of his clothing. He didn't show a sign that was even_ thinking _about me at all other then he was there.

"I'm…sorry." I say weakly, with all honesty.

He looked me straight in the eye, as though not fazed.

"Why?" that brings a crooked smile to my face.

"Because I couldn't do the one thing that would make you happy." That slapped him good. He swallowed loudly and drew his eyes to the ground.

"You never answered me you know," he breathed out.

"You never told me…why you were still here." I pondered this… for the hundredth time.

Grabbing his hand from his side, I held it close.

"Why are _you _still here?"

Hey you've got your one-way ticket to hell

Yeah that's how far you've fell

Hey you've got your one-way ticket to hell

First class seats and everyone to tell

He gave me no reply other then to hold my hand tighter. His eyes were still cold. I can remember a day when he was so much…warmer. But those memories are far out of reach.

I wish he'd say he loved me. I wish he would hold me and say he was sorry for everything, and that he didn't mean to break my heart.

But my wishes I don't think will ever come true again as I lay there, waiting for a damn response from him.

I'm falling Tatsuha please pull me back.

"When you brought home those women was that your way of telling me you wanted me gone?" I asked out of curiosity. And yet I still got no response.

"Was I not enough to satisfy you in bed? Was that it?" I pushed further, trying to make him talk.

"Shut up…" he mumbled, pulling his hand from mine and running it through his hair.

"Is the fact that I gave up everything and still am willing to do so not enough for you? Is it not enough that I gave you my body, heart and soul and everything else?"

"I said. Shut. Up." Of course I decide to ignore this comment. Sitting up I search for his gaze again.

"Did I not buy you enough things? Did I not give enough?"

"Shut the fuck up!" Bingo. He's finally mad. He stood up from the chair and goes to look out the window on the right side of the room.

"…Do you not love me anymore?" I knew the answer I would get was going to hurt. So I prepared for the worst.

"Why didn't you just leave damn it?" he asked without looking away from the setting sun.

"Why didn't _you_ leave huh? Why didn't _you_ say "So long" and be on your way?" I snapped back.

Oh fuck…I'm crying now.

Hey you've got your one-way ticket to hell

Your going to burn I can tell

Hey you've got your one-way ticket to hell

Your cold yet burning in flames for the soul you sell

"Love doesn't get old, or boring…it just gets lost. It's like…a scar. You get a booboo from when you're younger, but over the years it just fades away. And then finally after so long it's gone. You can't find the mark on your skin anymore, even though you know it was once there."

After Shindou-san said that to me in answer of a question I brought up, I never got to ask him, how do we make that scar come back?

Tatsuha's "scar" obviously had faded many ages ago. And yet, as I thought mine did, it hadn't. I was simply looking for a way to cut him again. Simply hoping not all was lost.

Tatsuha never answered my question of why he himself didn't leave, or any of my questions for that matter.

Accept for one.

About 6 months after I had come home from the hospital, after re-insurance that I'd see a shrink, I was home. I never set foot in a shrink's office, just so you know. I wasn't crazy I was devoted.

Of course a silence has loomed over us for I don't know how long. He goes through out his day, I went through out mine. We'd come home, eat and sleep. I knew nothing about him anymore or what he did other then go to work and come home…or at least I think. I don't even remember what his job is anymore…not a monk … he left the temple when his dad found out we were dating.

Yet one day our routine was broken, for he came home early. The door opened and I could hear his footsteps coming towards me in the kitchen.

Looking through the fridge I pull out the milk, glancing at Tatsuha who stood against the wall.

"Would you like something…" it wasn't said as much of a question…just words that slipped into the air to float in awkward silence.

He shook his head no and continued to lean against the wall of the kitchen entrance.

So solemnly I went to a cupboard, turning my back to him, and grabbed myself a glass cup, poring milk into it.

But then…I feel something I haven't felt in to long, something that almost made me drop my glass…

And the preacher says "may god be with you"

And the people say "yeah we'll miss you"

Hold on tight cause you

Warmth. Arms wrap around me gently, and I almost scream thinking it's an intruder. No way would he-

"Want to…try one more time?"

His breath was warm against my ear, sending a shiver through my body. I turn in his arms facing him.

What should I say? After so long of us… being practically _separated_, so long of him _cheating, _and_ lying._

Did I really want him back?

…Yeah…I did.

His arms wrapped tighter around me as I pulled him down for warm kiss. Warmth. I felt warm.

Hey you've got your one-way ticket to hell

Yeah that's how far you've fell

Hey you've got your one-way ticket to hell

First class seat and everyone to tell

For to long now I have suffered _hell, _and despite its burning flames I haven't felt one ounce of warmth. I've longed…thirsted for that long lost feeling.

Maybe I gave in to easily. Maybe I allowed myself to let him have me back when I shouldn't have. I deserved a sorry, yet I gave forgiveness without one.

But you see…I have this persistent scar in my heart, as sappy as it sounds, and it just won't go away.

And I'll do everything I can, like I have been for so long now, to give Tatsuha his back.

I'll see you there

End Chapter


	9. Milk

Title: Milk  
Chapter: 9/16  
Characters: TatsuhaxSuguru  
Genre: Fluff…smutty  
Rating: 17+  
Summery: Tatsuha thinks Suguru's skin is like milk…but wonders if it tastes like it too.

Okay so I deleted what was once chapter two, due to my shame of it. And I also edited the other chapters, cause well, I have the time, and they were dieing to be edited. I shall also edit my other stories too.

Tatsuha's POV

There he lays next to me, on my comfortable bed, the object of my passion and desire…Suguru…

It's late at night, and he's fast asleep, so tired from our sex. Yet I can't close my eyes, so I lay here, watching his smooth back rise and fall to the rhythm of his breathing. The moonlight drifts through the windows, landing softly on him, making his skin look so soft…so…milky.

I sit up in the bed, as gently as possible, not wanting to wake him up. Slowly I scoot towards him, reaching my hand out to brush along his back. He's such a heavy sleeper, and I'm very thankful for it.

His skin feels milky too. And I can't resist the urge to feel _more_. My hand dangerously brushes lower and lower down his back, tracing along his spine, down to his thigh, resting my hand there. With utter care I lower my head over his side to catch his lips into a kiss.

He's so beautiful, and so fragile looking. I'm afraid with one rough touch his skin will bruise…and what a shame that would be. Such a flawless angel he is, and I couldn't be gladder that he is mine, my angel.

His skin is cold like milk too, but not freezing cold, a sensual cold, an arousing cold. In my current condition I am so tempted…tempted to taste him again, taste him to see if he _tastes like milk_…

I once again kiss him, only with more of a power, one that will surely wake him. I watch as his lids flutter open tiredly, allowing me to see those beautiful eyes.

"Tatsuha?" he asks as he rolls onto his back, still not quite awake. I smile down at him as I crawl on top of him, stroking his cheek.

"Up for one more go?" He chuckles and lifts his head up to kiss me.

I'm addicted to him…addicted to his skin, his mind, his body and his soul. Anything and everything that is him I long for with a burning fire, and I just can't resist…I must let my lips travel down his neck, I must leave my mark, must have him as my own forever.

He moans so sexually as I bite his collarbone, trailing my tongue down to his nipple. He squirms as my hands dip down to his hips and slowly over his thighs, pushing them open.

I love the noises he slips as I work my magic, slipping myself into him with a push. With his legs loosely wrapped around my waist, and his arms crossed around my shoulders I move slowly, wishing to give him the most incredible pleasure possible.

I bring my lips back to his skin, biting and licking more, rolling his silky skin between my teeth. He gasps with surprise and enjoyment with my motions, rocking with me as pull in and out of him.

He brings me such pleasure…such feeling that my mind is loosing its ability to function. My addiction is becoming more persistent the more I try to satisfy its calling. I move more hastily as I lift Suguru's legs higher, moving in a new pace and angle.

"Tatsuha…" he gasps as I reach his deepest most pleasurable point. His nails dig into my shoulder blade as his head tosses to his side.

"Tatsuha more…" he pants as I fall obedient to his request. Who would I be to deny his request? My hands grab harder at his hips as I move with more force, pulling myself out and pushing in.

I look down to observe his glistening body, shining with sweat. His hair messy, his lips bruised, bite marks scattered over every inch of his skin. Those dizzying eyes are shut closed tightly as his mouth moves to try and form coherent words.

I can see him; feel him near his edge, his tolerance level. His back arches and he throws his head back, moaning my name loudly as he comes.

He looks so breathtaking, so…hard to explain, and his radiance is enough to send me over the edge. One last thrust and I let go of my control.

I tumble to the bed beside him, pulling him close to me, enjoying having him in my arms. Slowly his breathing steadies and he drifts back into a peaceful sleep, tucked safely in my chest.

No one has ever given me such a feeling of completeness. No one has ever made my heartbeat and my urges run out of control like Suguru. He's my drug and every moment with him I feel like getting high.

Slowly I rub my hand along his back, enjoying the feel of his milky skin, recalling how much he _does_ taste like milk.

Would it be horrible of me to wake him up for another taste?

End Chapter

That was utterly random and unexpected for myself. Just kind of came out. XD review my pretties. Feel very unloved.


	10. Kickin' the habit

Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation. I do however own the poem. Still it, don't be surprised to wake up tomorrow with your head sewn into the carpet.  
Chapter title: Kickin' the habit  
Genre: angst  
Rating: PG-15ish  
Chapter: 10/16  
Characters: Tatsuha and Suguru xD  
Summery: Tatsuha likes doing drugs, but will it cost him the life of Suguru?  
Warnings: AU piece. Drug use. A lil' OOC

Yes this is a story

  
Of how I kicked the habit of drugs

  
Yes they all told me many things,

  
About my corpse 6 feet down eaten by bugs

I'm so scared, so afraid and so alone. But who isn't when they're sitting in the hospital waiting room, desperate for news?

It was a simple high school party. Nothing big just some friends getting together for one last get together before we all went and did our summer things.

But then someone bad showed up. Someone with the intention of screwing up our minds. Someone with a bag of cocaine.

Yah so I liked to get a little high

  
No big deal

  
Hell I smoked things that made me fly

  
Even if it would make me die

  
I didn't care, I didn't listen

  
Yah I really just wanted

  
A little vacation

It was just cocaine, no big deal. We all had a little hit, no harm done. We only got a little high, just looking for a trip. But what teenager isn't? It was just a hit...just a little bit...nothing huge.

But Suguru...Suguru has never done drugs before. My boyfriend has been corrupted in many ways since dating me, but still wouldn't take a smoke or a sniff. He said it was wrong, he said it would make him sick, make him very ill; he was allergic.

But of course we all laughed and called him a wussy, to high to care. And yet still, he refused politely and just sat there as I took my next puff.

Now my baby didn't mind most of the time

  
But didn't join in

  
Even though I told her the greatness of walkin' that line

  
But she said no

But this party was different, very different. We were all having a great time, and for one moment, I turned my back on him to grab my share of the powder. I'd always been there with him at parties, because he was always a little nervous and scared around some of my pals, but I thought that he'd be fine for one moment.

Oh how wrong I was...

As soon as I turned my back my extremely doped "friends" got to him, pushing, pestering, persisting he take a hit. Take a little sniff and he would be cool, would be in. He'd always been the object of bullying, a push over of sorts, but still he refused, didn't want to mess with something illegal.

Oh makes me feels so fine

  
Feels so fine

  
Feels so fine

  
But now pickin out her grave

  
No I'm not lie'n

But from what I was told, he wasn't given a choice. They got physical with him, slapping him around, calling him names. They said Suguru called out for my help, but I wasn't listening, I was to busy getting high.

So he did the only thing he could do, give in. It was just a little cocaine they told me, they didn't mean too...they didn't mean to send him here...

One day when I was pretty damn baked

  
I was laughin' and my friends were pushin'

  
And she was yellin stop for god sake

  
Yah I just took my turn, took my turn

Apparently a little cocaine was enough to cause a reaction in Suguru. He wasn't making excuses when he said he was allergic, wasn't lying when he said only a little could kill him.

One of the teens who wasn't as drugged up as the rest of us called the ambulance, in which case everyone fled in fear of being caught. But I didn't. I couldn't even move when I saw Suguru lying on the floor. I couldn't breath, or speak. Something in my mind clicked, telling me this wasn't going to be okay, nothing was going to be the same.

I remember jumping in the ambulance with him, holding his hand that seemed too cold, too lifeless so be his. And that lead me to where I am now. Tired, scared and alone in the hospital waiting room, praying to god for news.

But then my baby's heart stopped

  
So I opened up to have a look

  
But nope not a beat

  
Nope not a beat

And the sirens were a spinin'

  
As the gang broke into a run

  
Hey that's when I knew this wasn't fun

The doctors asked me and I told them everything. I told them about the party and the drugs. I told them knowing fully well I was going to probably end up in jail. But I assured them Suguru was forced to take it, it wasn't his fault. They didn't seem to believe me.

They were unable to get a hold of either of our parents, his being out of town and mine being asleep. Which I was grateful for, for this was a moment I don't think my mind could take any lecturing.

I watched as two doctors draped in their white coats talked quietly in front of Suguru's door. I could still hear them. However I really wished I hadn't.

"I don't think the kid will last the night."

Oh makes me feels so fine

  
Feels so fine

  
Feels so fine

  
But now my high is die'n

  
And I just hit the ground

  
Hey, wait, wasn't I just flyi'n?

Despite the fact the doctor was a professional and had spent many years in schools, I didn't believe his theory. I don't care how smart he thinks he is Suguru won't die, he just can't...he just can't...

And still I'm so scared. Still I'm pushing my hands hard against my eyes to push back tears that I know are falling anyway. Still I fully understand the fact I may lose something very important.

The doctor who predicted my boyfriend's fate noticed me sitting in the chair and calmly came over to the door that connects the patients' rooms to the waiting room, and closed it.

For hours I sat out there, waiting for news. Every time that door opened, my head shot up and a feeling of nausea swept over me in fear of the person being a barer of bad news.

But no one came to me; I went for so long not knowing anything, nothing at all.

What if he really died? Oh please whatever god that cares to listen; please don't let him die...please...

So her heart that stopped beating

  
Pointed and laughed in my face

  
Yah the throb called me a disgrace

But really it was true

  
I knew I had to stop soon

And another rack of sobs courses through my body and I can hardly keep myself silent. I can't seem to control myself anymore.

At around one in the morning, the door opened yet another time and in walked two men. One a police man and another man much taller, dressed in a suit. The two middle aged, chubby men made their way over to me in the empty room and sat in chairs across from mine.

"Uesagi-san, my name is detective Scott Robertson and this is police officer Aaron Smith (1), we have a couple questions concerning this situation to ask you." Said the man in the suit as though he had said that line over a million times.

I nodded in acknowledgment and wiped my tears, folding my hands in my lap.

But I still was high

  
Still was high

  
Waiting for her to revive

  
But now it was gods turn to spit in my face

  
So I kicked him which made me the basket case

  
And man oh man was god pissed

  
So he took her soul, didn't allow me a goodnight kiss

"Now son, I'm sure you understand how much trouble you're in, you and your friend. But if you are able to provide us with the persons who brought the drugs to the party, and a list of those involved with the drugs and the host of the party, we can arrange a deal so that both your slates are clean."

Oh yes, the tough part. Ratting out on my friends was never going to sit well in my stomach from here on out. But honestly, anything that would help out with Suguru I would gladly do.

So I gave them everything they wanted, I also retold for the billionth time that Suguru was forced into participating in the drugs. After taking many notes, digging deep into the story, and re-asking questions to make sure I had a straight story, they nodded and gave me their cards, telling me they would need to talk to me again in the future.

And yet when I asked them for news on Suguru's condition they shook their heads and left, leaving me to more tears and agony.

Oh makes me feels so fine

  
Feels so fine

  
Feels so fine

  
Wonder which color she wants her casket to be

  
I like the red wine

Finally, another doctor entered and motioned for me to come towards him.

"Fujisaki-san is requesting your presence. Later I shall discuss with you his release, he can go home tonight on a few conditions."

At that moment I felt almost stunned...was this guy fucking with me? But obviously not, for he led me out of the waiting room and to Suguru's room.

There he was...smiling at me weakly. I hugged him tightly, never wanting to let go.

Yeah this stuff makes me feels so fine

  
Feels so fine

  
But it's this good stuff I should have declined

"Tatsuha?" he whispered as I pulled back from him, holding tightly on his hand.

"Yes Suguru?" He sat up slowly, gazing at me with weary eyes.

"Please Tatsuha...promise me you'll quit? I don't want to lose you..." I don't think I've ever received a weirder question in my entire _life_. Here he was, the one who was ill from the drugs, not I, the one in the hospital bed, not me, and he was saying he didn't want to lose _me_?

"Suguru this isn't about me...it's about you...I'm so sorry I turned my back for one minute, I-" He looked at me with an angry, yet desperate glare, squeezing my hand tighter.

"Damn it Tatsuha! The only reason I am here is because you wanted the drugs so you left me alone with your "pals" to get them! If you really want to keep better care of me then here's a plan, drop all the drugs or I'm _never_ going to be with you again! Understand?"

So bye-bye my baby

  
And bye-bye high

  
I'm not getting high anymore

  
For now my favorite drug

  
Is 6 feet close to the core

His voice was cracking despite the power his words held. Knowing him, it was a decision he would make, for in his mind it was for the better. He knew that my guilt would be enough to stop me, but adding on the threat of leaving me made me cave in.

"Okay...I understand...I quit." He smiled at me, worming his arms around my waist for a hug.

Being scared shitless is a one step program; you don't need rehab or therapy or any of that when you spend one night thinking you may never see the person you love again.

So that's why I quit drugs.

Yah makes me feels so fine

  
Feels so fine

  
Feels so fine

  
But my baby's dead heart begged me to stop

  
But I just couldn't bring myself to let it go

So I made my heart skip a beat

  
Now I'm sittin' on the devil's seat

End Chapter

(1)Don't tell me you expect me to know Japanese names extremely well, American will do.

Wasn't that the weirdest poem ever? Oh well, I'm still proud of it

R.I.P. James and Braden. If only someone would have pulled their head out of their ass sooner you might still be here.


	11. A little growing up

Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation. I do however own the poem. Steal it, don't be surprised to wake up tomorrow with your head sewn into the carpet.

Chapter title: A little growing up  
Genre: angst, drama  
Rating: PG-14  
Chapter: 11/16  
Characters: Tatsuha and Suguru xD  
Summery: Suguru is older and more mature, but when things get rough and he decides to just walk away, will Tatsuha prove to be the responsible one?  
Warnings: Hmm…Angry Tatsuha and Suguru and lots of things being broken. Some OOC.

Tatsuha's POV

"That is _it_! I can't take this bullshit anymore! We're through!" and to make his point he grabbed the nearest object-which happened to be a vase full of flowers I had recently bought him- and tossed it as hard as he could in my direction, ending up only hitting the wall.

Tick, tock, oh how the clock flies by

  
You experiment to figure out how high

  
I burnt your lab

  
You now "demand to know why"

I'm really getting tired of this bullshit. It's the same routine, over, and over, and over again. He says something or I say something, and then the other responds with something else, and then crash! We're in another fight and everything goes flying.

Everyone thinks he's the mature one, everyone thinks he's the smarter one, and yes; in most circumstances I can agree. But when it comes to times like these, it's hard not to send him to a corner for five minutes for being a bad boy.

When things with me and him don't seem to go his way it's _always _my fault, in his opinion. I'm the bad guy, he's the victim, and so it gives him every right to lash out and destroy everything in his path.

So like I said, I'm getting tired of this bullshit. This routine is going to end _now_. This time, when he slams the door shut, or if he throws me out and locks the door, I won't come back. It'll be over, because I just can't deal with anymore tears, heart aches and break ups.

I watched as he retreated to the bedroom, stomping and shouting and crying all the way.

"I'm leaving! I'm _never_ coming back! You really screwed up this time you asshole!" Hmm…this is the forty-fifth time he's broken up with me. But like they say, you shouldn't break up with someone until they've broken up with you for the fifty-third time…wait…

Lots and lots of things

  
You can never do

  
So your theory is walk away

  
"I'm through!"

  
But this time it's your mess

  
So get the broom

  
We're gonna fix this

He has to high of expectations of me and to low of tolerance. The slightest wrong –in his mind- thing I do is worth capitol punishment! I mean, hell when I first met him he was so calm and collected, but after a while something just _snapped_ and I wasn't perfect enough for him. Always something wrong with me or with what I did.

As I watched him toe on his shoes in an angry hurry, holding is coat in one hand and an over-night bag in the other; I sighed and gathered together my words. This was a moment where I couldn't afford to make a mistake.

"Suguru, do you even remember _why_ you're mad at me?" He stilled his actions and I could see his back muscles tense. Suguru turned and glared at me.

"…You…lost your promise ring." He whispered out, lowering his gaze sadly to the ground. I'll admit, losing that ring was something I'm not surprised hurt his feelings, but being an adult he should know there are simpler suggestions to resolve it then walking out the door.

"And I understand why that would make you angry." I replied, leaning against the wall with crossed arms.

"But Suguru…You do this to much. That's why I've come to a decision." Suguru looked at me with confusion, his temper obviously still swarming high.

You're losing your mind

  
It's packed its bags and gone

  
So I've tossed our suitcases

  
Because we're not going anywhere

It hurt. It hurt to say these words, especially on the high chance that Suguru will take up on the offer, and I'll never see him again. I…love him dearly. And even though I'm the "bad ass, bad guy" and "asshole" I just can't do this anymore…

"Fujisaki-san if you walk out the door that _will_ be it. No more make up sex, no more "I'm sorry", plain and simple. I'll pack my stuff, leave and you can come back to an empty apartment."

His eyes got big and his shoulders slumped ever so slightly. I watched as his troubled mind seemed to calm down, as his mind separated his anger from reality, as his mature self returned to the situation at hand.

You're driving this car way to fast

  
Slow down, slow down

  
Or this dysfunction will surely crash

"What's your choice Suguru? Are we done? Tired playing house? It's your call baby." I held out my hand, hoping he would take it. Praying he would take it.

  
Yes I see your tears

  
Yes I see your fears

  
But baby didn't you know?

  
Those won't help you through the years

I watched as the items in his hands slowly slipped to the ground and he slowly shuffled over to where I stood. These events relieved me to no end and I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding.

I twined my fingers with his and pulled him close, hugging him tightly, planting a gentle kiss on his head.

Lots, and lots, of things

  
You can never do

  
So your theory is walk away

  
"I'm through!"

  
But this time it's your mess

  
So get the broom

  
We're gonna fix this

Reluctantly I pulled from his arms and looked into his eyes. Smiling slightly, my head was filled with an idea.

"Why don't we both look for the promise ring, okay?" He smiled back and nodded.

And from that moment on, I understood we had a lot of growing up to do, but that was a huge growth spurt.

End Chapter

Now review and complain and tell me how much I suck.


	12. Your mine, I'm yours

Disclaimer: I own nothing x)  
Title: Your mine, I'm yours  
Chapter: 12/16  
Rating: R  
Genre: naughty...romance  
Characters: Tatsuha/Suguru  
Warnings: x)  
Summery: Tatsuha is Suguru's bitch. Tatsuha begs to differ. Tatsuha wants sex. Suguru wants beer.

Tatsuha's POV

Suguru Fujisaki, keyboardist of the famous band Bad Luck, my boyfriend was to cute, and I can't help but lick my lips at the delicious yet so innocent sight of him sitting next to me, with nothing on but my shirt watching TV.

Of course, whatever we're supposed to be watching I'm not sure, because I just can't seem to pry my eyes off those curvy, long, creamy legs.

He turns his gaze to mine, smiling so shyly and decides he is more comfortable to lean against my shoulder.

"Tatsuha?" He breathes out quietly. Oh yes...I'm so going to get some more action in a minute here.

"Yes Sugie-bear?" I respond while smirking, drifting my hand to rub along the inside of his thigh.

"Will you get me a beer?" what? At a time like this? The last thing he needs to think about is something to _drink!_ Besides, he doesn't drink it anyway!

"No. If you want one you can go get one, matter of fact, go buy your own pack." I snapped, lying back against the headboard of the bed.

He looked at me with his puppy eyes, his lower lip slightly sticking out as he scooted closer to me. With his thigh now touching mine and hand on my chest, he pouts.

"Please Tatsuha? I just want one can..." He pleaded.

"You get it yourself. Who do you think I am? Your bitch?" man this was getting annoying; that shirt was riding up pretty damn high, which case my pants were getting pretty tight, and he's crying about me getting him a drink!

And another thing-! Oh...I think he got the point...

Suguru scooted slowly onto my lap, his skin brushing against the fabric of my boxers. With a seductive glint in his eyes, he pressed his bare arse teasingly against my leg, his lips pressing against mine.

It was beyond arousing the way he bit my lips and tilted my head down for a deeper kiss. His newly manicured nails tickled along my bare chest, resting against my erection and pressing down.

I moaned into his mouth, begging that Suguru would slip his hand- and oh _god_ he did! He pushed his hand under my boxers and stroked my cock. It was agonizing how slow; the little tease loved making me whimper for more.

I pulled him closer, letting go of his kiss. My hand slipped behind him and under the shirt to rub against his ass, slipping a finger into his entrance every now and then to return the sadistic favor of teasing.

Suguru moved his hand faster, rubbing and pulling. It felt so damn good...oh god...if he keeps doing that I going to...

I moan out loudly biting Suguru's shoulder, concentrating on nothing but reaching my climax. Since when was he so good at hand jobs?

Oh and as I was just about to cum, as I was just about throw my head back and call his name, the hand was gone. The warmth in my lap retreated back to his side of the bed next to me, and he once again looked at me with those big, irresistible puppy eyes.

"Will you please go get me a beer?" Oh goddamn it! I wanted to snap at him, make him finish what he started and then fuck him into the mattress, but that pout...oh god that pout was making me resist my urge to be angry.

With a defeated sigh, I scooted out of the bed.

"Fine."

I walked out of the room, to the fridge, grabbed a beer and walked back with great annoyance. Handing him the can, Suguru took it from my hands delightfully, opening and taking a drink.

Damn it, I wanted sex. Now I'm frustrated...oh well. I pulled the covers over my shoulders, and curled up into the comfy bed.

"See? You are my bitch!" was the last thing I heard as I drifted off to sleep.

End Chapter

I would like to thank Yvonnie for giving me the idea (hence she told me of her own personally situation)

Oh dear lord! Only four more chapters and this is over! OMIgoD!

Hope you enjoyed. Now review, I feel really unloved!


	13. Let there be light

Disclaimer: I don't own it.  
Title: Let there be light  
Chapter: 13/16  
Rating: K  
Genre: fluff  
Characters: Tatsuha/Suguru  
Warnings: none  
Summery: Suguru is distressed, and the only way Tatsuha can help him is to make him see.

Someone so brilliant, he was the inventor of intelligence itself once said "Let there be light." And on cue, the world illuminated with a glorious vision, varying from the dark blues, purples and blacks sprinkled with millions of specks called stars, to the reds, gold and oranges that warm the soul, even to those numb to all feeling.

Yet, even though there was or possibly wasn't someone who with a mere pounding of a voice that maybe wasn't even a sound, had given the gift of glory in illusions of the eye, it is impossible, unthinkable for him to see. It is impossible for him to understand.

Maybe once, in moments long forgotten and possibly non-existent, he would look up tiredly at the shining lights of the night and wish to be among them or the flowing blue of the day and wish to sail those seas. Maybe, Tatsuha thought, just maybe once Suguru Fujisaki had the great feeling of exhilaration, the intake of breath that reminded him he was _alive_ and although overwhelmed with responsibility, he _felt_ _good_ to be such.

Truly, Tatsuha would never know. His Suguru-chan was so gathered and composed and to himself that no one could ever possibly tell the teen was human. He couldn't be; no way in hell could that breathing, eating, living thing be a mere human. There was something that made him something much more, or something much less then what Tatsuha and everyone else was.

Suguru was small, slender and fragile, yet so strong-willed and driven. He was he and no one could take that away from him. It was all he had really. His composure, his will and his music were the only things that belonged to him and the only things he belonged too.

And Tatsuha, well, he was the exact opposite. He was only human and he lived like it. He wasn't the brightest crayon in the box, but surely not the dullest. He lived and loved to live. So when he came across such a non-living being such as Suguru, Tatsuha couldn't _help_ himself. He was...intrigued to say the least.

So he went out on his limbs and will to bring Suguru to his home. Nothing was going to stop him, not even Suguru who complained of a busy schedule, when really the schedule mostly consisted of Suguru working before time and over time.

He dragged a reluctant Suguru deep through gardens full of beautiful things that the gift of light allowed them to see, yet Suguru seemed unimpressed, when most people would stop and gawk at such richness the world held. So he continued to walk along deeper, farther amongst plants and flowers so tall and small some tickled their bare feet while some brushed against their heads.

And finally they came to a stop. Tatsuha's hand gripped gently against Suguru's before letting go. He stepped through the tall grass down the very small yet steep dip of land that led him to one lonesome rock. He balanced himself on top of it, walking towards the very end to sit, roll up the legs of his pants, and dip his feet into the water.

The air swirled around him with a sweet, warm scent, wooing him to close his eyes and enjoy the peaceful sound of the small creek flowing beneath his feet.

It was gorgeous. The creek wasn't very wide yet seemed endless in both directions of length. The trees and the wildlife around them was a site to cherish, a site that was seen by very few.

Yet Suguru, still stood in spot, seemingly unfazed by such a breathtaking view. With a sigh, he followed behind his boyfriend, sitting next to him with crossed legs.

"Why did you bring me here?"

Tatsuha turned to him, with a slight smile on his face. To the world and everyone who knew him, they knew that most of the time Tatsuha was a joke, a clown and absolutely optimistic, but at this moment, for just a split second one wouldn't recognize the look on his face. It was hopeless, calm...

He turned back to gaze peacefully at the trickling water, reaching to re-take Suguru's hand.

"Suguru light and sight was created for a reason." Suguru looked at him oddly, not quite sure of what he meant.

"For when you look at everything you see, and breathe, that's when you know you're alive. That's when you can really tell that this is now and there is time for then later." Tatsuha spoke wistfully. It was as though he was floating...drifting with that sweet, warm wind...

Tatsuha looked back at the downcast face, full of worries and stresses and problems that would eventually be solved, whether the answer and outcome be good or bad. Worries and stresses and problems that something had to be done with them or they would linger there in his mind forever, with regret over a bad resolution.

He pulled that troubled body down to lye in his lap, stroking his hair lightly.

"Breathe Suguru, take a moment to understand everything for what it is...just...breathe.

And Suguru did; he closed his eyes and inhaled air. And whether it is the first time in ages, or the first time in his life ever, Suguru felt it from the core of his heart throughout the veins in his body.

He could vaguely recall a time around the age of two or three, when he was outside just gazing at the blue sky, the sun shown brightly down on his eyes. He flew his hands above his head to place himself under a shadow, yet ended up giggling at how funny his hands looked against the sun. Not that the memory was important, not that it probably even existed to an extent beyond his far away dreams, but he could recall it, and that meant something.

And when he opened his eyes it was Tatsuha's head that blocked the sun from pounding on him, it was Tatsuha.

Suguru breathed again, looking at his surroundings, truly amazed by what light could do.

And just like that, Tatsuha had said "let there be light" in his own way and action, and on cue, Suguru illuminated with a glorious vision.

End Chapter

Hmm...rushed and done out of stress. Hope it's to your liking.


	14. My melody

Disclaimer: I don't own it. I own the poem however. Steal it I will prosecute.  
Title: My melody  
Chapter: 14/16  
Rating: M  
Genre: angst/horror-ish  
Characters: Tatsuha/Suguru  
Warnings: extreme angst, hints of non-consensual, beatings ect ect. You have been warned.  
Summery: Suguru belongs to Tatsuha, no matter what.

He was gorgeous, he was beautiful and he was forever young. He would never change a bit, never ever. He would always remain Tatsuha's even if he tried to leave him, because Tatsuha was demonic like that; he has his ways.

He would make Tatsuha so happy with his dazzling smiles, his powerful personality. He would play a melody so beautiful, even if he wasn't anywhere near a piano. These notes Tatsuha still heard in his head, playing over and over again and it was driving him _insane_. Even if the player himself was currently immobile, for he was lying in a puddle of his own blood.

Baby just sing me that lullaby

The one you use to know

Even if you can't breathe

With my fingers around your throat

It's the only thing I want to hear

Suguru just wanted out. It was too much. The tears that fell and the hands that were thrown at him made him weak, made him fall to his knees in despair. The abuse needed to end, he cried, or he would leave.

But oh no, Tatsuha would have none of that. Suguru was his. Always would be. And Tatsuha was allowed to play however he wanted to with what was his.

So after _playing_ with his toy, after breaking it into tiny pieces and leaving it on the cold hard floor to cry, Tatsuha proceeded to smack him again and again; Suguru would not leave him. Even mentioning it was wrong.

The notes spin and spin in my head

Baby, baby the tone is dead

I can see your eyes

They beg for our long goodbyes

Baby sing it sing it

Suguru didn't like sharing the same bed with Tatsuha. It was putting himself at more risk, more danger. But there was no helping it, denying Tatsuha's advances was not an option. He simply was to spread his legs and hope it wouldn't be as bad as last time.

But it was, it _always_ was. It hurt and it made him cry and scream in agony. He wanted out, he just wanted out...He didn't love this monster, this wasn't his Tatsuha. This wasn't what he bargained for! It started with one fight, then one hit, then it continued on and on and finally this is where he was.

One more beating, one more fight, one more rape, and he would leave. It was too much, he needed to get out. He had to get out.

He begged Hiroshi not to tell Tatsuha, begged him to let him stay with him for a few days, and begged to whatever god was listening that Tatsuha wouldn't find him.

Let's make a pinky swear

Promise me you'll care

If I die

Good cause its happening tonight

Just sing that song right

Foolish, _stupid_ Suguru. Foolish _stupid_ Hiroshi. Think Suguru could get away? Not on Tatsuha's watch he wouldn't. Hiroshi just _had_ to pick a fight with Tatsuha, he just _had to _try and smack sense into him for his "ongoing abuse towards Suguru" and he just _had_ to let it slip Suguru was packing his bags.

Poor, foolish, stupid Suguru and Hiroshi.

Baby just sing me that lullaby

The one you use to know

Even if you can't breathe

With my fingers around your throat

It's the only thing I want to hear

His heart was in his throat and his hands were shaking. He threw everything he could into his bags as quickly as he could. He had to get out, he needed to get out.

He was so scared and so afraid; what if Tatsuha came home? What will he do?

He cried and prayed for an escape when he felt those evil, dangerous hands that were the answer to his fears slip around his waist. His tears fell in heavy sobs when a voice asked him where he thought he was going.

Tatsuha made it clear to Suguru he wasn't supposed to leave him. He warned him many times that it wasn't wise, so he had no choice but to let Suguru feel the new sensation of a very cooled, very sharp knife slowly brush against his skin.

The song is playing but where is the player?

The voice is ringing but where is the singer?

The heart is beating but where is the body?

The feeling is still lingering

But for what?

Baby its over

The hairs on the back of his neck stood to attention with the cooled knife slowly slid up his side, raising the shirt with it. He was told to kneel before the bed and he did. He was told to shut up and he did. He was told to take off his clothes and he did.

Suguru was Tatsuha's, always would be. So he just _had_ to take him one more time before he would truly be his forever, just had to hear those screams of pain one more time before all would be silent. He just _had_ to violate that body one more time before there would be no more resistance, no more pleasure of sliding his cock in and out of that very tight, very bloody warmth.

Sing it before you go

Please hit every note

He withdrew himself from the broken body on the hard wood floor that was grasping the sheets of the bed with whatever might he had left. Tatsuha just chuckled as he turned Suguru to face him.

He slid his fingers over the rib cage that could be seen a mile away if Suguru ever dared to take his shirt off before anyone else but Tatsuha. The skin was cold and shivering and wet from all the crying, just the way Tatsuha liked it. Tatsuha wanted it like this forever. He wanted Suguru to have this beautiful expression on his face forever, this beautiful coldness forever.

And he would have it.

Sing it before you go

Please hit every note

Suguru's eyes didn't become wide with surprise or fright when he watched Tatsuha aim the knife carefully over his heart. He didn't scream or try to fight. He just sat there and welcomed the sensation with all he had.

Through a half lidded gaze he watched the man he loved so dearly slice his skin.

Oh my dear sweet darling

Sing me your lullaby

Tatsuha laid the forever beautiful Suguru down softly on the white sheets. His blood was spilling very fast from the very deep cut. Suguru was gagging like a fish and squirming in an unbearable pain, a pain so great none of the bruises or wounds or rapes he had felt over the years could compare.

Tatsuha just smiled however, kissing those beautiful discolored lips one last time before they would be lifeless. He watched with great happiness as the body before him went limp.

Baby just sing me that lullaby

The one you use to know

Even if you can't breathe

With my fingers around your throat

It's the only thing I want to hear

Tatsuha sat on the floor, leaning against the bed that cradled a very dead Suguru. He hummed along to a song, a melody that played over and over and over again in his head.

He was now forever his. He was gorgeous, he was beautiful and he was forever young. He would never change a bit, never ever, because Tatsuha wouldn't let him.

True, true, Tatsuha was very insane. The music would never leave his head; Suguru's notes would never stop playing. The louder they were the more Tatsuha's mind had less control over his cause.

But now the notes were silent and Tatsuha, well, he was content.

Sing it

End Chapter

This is by far my favorite work ever.

So I'm sure that sucked because I'm too happy to be sad, so yah, that's the best fur ball I could cough up. I didn't hit the writing style I wanted for this piece, I truly didn't and it makes me sad, but oh well...

So who didn't see this type of chapter coming? I mean come ON: P Suguru abuse is fun

Let me explain myself:

This story was the height of Tatsuha ongoing progression of insanity and of abusing Suguru; in other words what everything added up to after years of abuse building into something more.


	15. Don't piss off Suguru

Disclaimer: I don't own it.  
Title: Don't piss off Suguru  
Chapter: 15/16  
Rating: M  
Genre: romance, slight humor  
Characters: Tatsuha/Suguru  
Warnings: yummyness  
Summery: Tatsuha has a large and vast porn collection, Suguru finds it.

Tatsuha Uesagi was very, very good at hiding things he didn't want people to know about. When he lived with his father, he was a master at hiding things forbidden to be in his possession, one of those things being his ever famous porn collection.

It was a vast and large collection, and how he managed to stuff it away from public eyes is beyond my imagination, but certainly not his. He's good at being secretive and he knows it. With the skills famously compared to that of James Bond and the secrecy of the secret service, Tatsuha stashed his porn collection away from the world, but now mainly Suguru in the new apartment they recently bought together.

Tatsuha may be smart, but Suguru was even smarter, oh so very much smarter.

One by one, Suguru stacked each piece of the x-rated evidence neatly on top of each other, on the simply crafted wooden coffee table right in front of the living room couch. Right where he could bring it to Tatsuha's attention when he walked through that front door.

Now Suguru was angry to say the least. Never had he seen so much porn in his _life_. Not that he had seen much anyway, but he was very sure this had to top the list of over doing it! Who on earth could need that much porn! He was defiantly going to have a talk with Tatsuha when he walked through that door, yes sir he would. He would lecture and punish, while proudly wearing a bunny suit, complete with tail and ears.

He would make sure Tatsuha knew that porn would no longer be a necessary factor; skimpy bunny suits tend to get that point across when they are being worn by ones boyfriend (or girlfriend, whatever rocks your boat.).

Once finished stacking all the magazines, tapes and posters Suguru stood behind it, straightening his tie and then impatiently crossing his arms while tapping his foot. He put an annoyed and angry pout on his face, waiting for Tatsuha to come in any moment.

And, finally, he did. Slowly he made his way through the apartment, kicking off his shoes here and throwing his jacket there. He walked into the living room flashing Suguru a smile and walking towards the kitchen, only to stop in his tracks and do a complete 180. He turned and gape speechlessly at the figure behind his porn collection. Tatsuha didn't know what surprised him more; the skimpy bunny outfit that showed off Suguru's fine figure legs, or his well and secretly hidden porn stash, mounted proud and high on the coffee table.

When he continued to stand there and not react any more then he had, Suguru rolled his eyes and walked towards Tatsuha. With an angry tug he grabbed Tatsuha's ear and pulled him painfully towards the couch. Tatsuha drooled at the site of the bunny tail bouncy around on the little behind it was based on.

Tatsuha was pushed to sit on the couch with his most prideful collection before him. However he wasn't watching his collection, only watching Suguru as he bent over him, legs spread and hands just above each of his shoulders. He leant so close his breath tickled Tatsuha's lips, urging him to lean forward and kiss him.

"You have quite the porn collection, I must say." Suguru whispered low and seductively.

"But after tonight the first thing you'll need is porn." And with that, Suguru slipped onto Tatsuha's lap, pressing himself tightly against the other with his legs on either side.

Tatsuha wrapped his hands around the low of Suguru's back while Suguru wrapped his arms around his neck. Their lips were attached no questions asked and it was very much obvious that Tatsuha could not, and would not get over the bunny tail. He groped and pulled at it, finding it to be the sexiest thing in the world.

His hands then trailed up to retrieve the zipper of the costume and began to slowly pull it down. Oh god this was so hot; tonight was going to be some of the best sex he had had in a long time, he could to tell. This was proven when Tatsuha felt Suguru's smaller and very talented hands throw his pants zipper down and reach in with no hesitation. He moaned and arched as his lover pumped him slowly and roughly.

More kisses followed and the hand began to move faster. Tatsuha wanted so badly to lift his hips and rotate around for more friction but he was trapped under the light weight that held him down. All he could do was pant and moan and be tortured.

"Oh Suguru, mmm that feels so damn good!" Tatsuha cried as he threw his head back. He wasn't one to be loud during sex; he left that job to Suguru, but right now could be an exception.

Tatsuha almost screamed as the hand squeezed hard, but almost cried when the hand removed itself. Just like that the hand and the weight in his lap had retreated and his erection was left to freeze in the sudden sweep of cold. He watched through confused eyes as Suguru tossed hand lotion and tissues at him.

"Enjoy your porn collection. I mean hell; you spend that much money on that much shit! How could you _possibly _need me when you're all set to go at it yourself? I'm going to bed. Think about what you've done once your finished learning your lesson. This should teach you to dare bring porn into this house when your most useful recourse shares a bed with you!" and with that, Suguru marched out of the room with a slam of their bedroom door minutes later.

And all Tatsuha could do was recall this was the second time Suguru had done this to him. Meaning, the hint, don't piss off Suguru.

End Chapter

One last chapter after this. One more and its all over. Oh my god.


	16. Marshmallow world

Title: Marshmallow world.

16/16

Outside the snow fell with no shame showing off its glamorous beauty in the most quiet, simple, yet impacting sort of way. That's what he liked the most about this time of year; the snow. Sitting back in the dimly lit living room couch, watching as the snow fell ever gently towards the ground through the high-level city apartment window. With the power-outage, the only comfort of light was offered from the many yet seemingly few candles, with the lack of light they gave.

Yet Tatsuha didn't mind that at all, he enjoyed it immensely. It was sort of weird however, with the new presence of a "Christmas" tree standing proud and tall in the corner of the room. Even in all its glory, with the candle lights flicking around on the red and gold ornaments that hung from it, it was quite the nuisance. Remembering to water it every day and sweeping away the needles was a pain in the ass, but the bundle of blankets and human that was snuggled deeply against him insisted on getting one.

Tatsuha sighed and rolled his head back against the leather couch, letting a yawn out shortly after. He wasn't even Christian and neither was Suguru, but it didn't seem to matter. For apparently, it didn't for "most Americans these days" (quoting Suguru). Celebrating Christmas was more like a material thing now-a-days; hardly any tradition behind it anymore. Even still, Tatsuha's dad had flipped out anyway at the idea of it.

That didn't matter either, wasn't the old mans house.

In the end, Suguru's insistency on celebrating the western holiday won and here they were, December twenty-fourth, watching snow fall, a Christmas tree in the corner, and dozing off on the couch with no power.(1)

"Hey...Tatsuha?" among the small bundle of blanket and human a head popped out and looked up tiredly at Tatsuha.

"Yeah?" He replied groggily while gazing back at Suguru. His hair was ruffled and his face slightly flushed from the warmth he was surrounded in.

"Will you...always love me?" a silence floated over them as coldly and quickly as the snow had. Tatsuha didn't know how to reply as he watched that small bundle wrap its arms around his waist and squash its head into his stomach. Tatsuha could feel all the warmth the blanket provided in his lap, but even still Suguru was shaking as though cold.

"Suguru, what's wrong? Are you all right?" Tatsuha brushed his hand through Suguru's hair as he sat up slightly hunched over.

"Will you Tatsuha?" again silence.

"Of course Suguru...you know I will. Why are you asking this all of a sudden? Is there something wrong?" The questioning man felt the head in his lap shake no and the shivering reside.

"No, nothings wrong...it's just...well we're so _young_ and I'm so _happy_ and I don't want it to end." Suguru said in a hushed sort of whisper.

Tatsuha sighed and smiled, lying back comfortably on the couch.

"Don't worry your pretty little head about it. I'll always love you." Although he couldn't be sure, he comforted himself with that statement for now. No one ever knows what the future holds, but Tatsuha could hope, and Suguru could hope, and they both could try together.

For half isn't one unless another half is involved.

"And Tatsuha," Tatsuha glanced back down at Suguru again.

"Yes?" Suguru smiled brightly up at him, snuggling back under the blankets.

"Merry Christmas." Tatsuha held in a laugh, the broken English sounding more like "Marie Kurisamasoo", but instead he patted the bundle of blanket and human, continuing to watch as the snow fell silently.

The End

Merry Christmas and a happy holidays to everyone else who doesn't celebrate Christmas x)

(1) :P My best friend was born raised and lived in Japan for a very long time. Christmas is celebrated commonly there, for fun and sometimes very, rarely, and hardly ever, for religion. And truly, there are lots and lots of people that do celebrate it for religious purposes, but now with all the media and western influences it's a material holiday that has quite the greedy affect on the newer generations of today. And seeing as how western influences have quite the affect on Japan too, it's more of for the hell of it sort of thing there.(Information provided by my best friend xD to bad so sad if you don't agree.)


End file.
